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10/29/07

in hiding with a duck

Hello.I am in hiding. Hair hiding. Because I am a cheap-hair-dye-from-the-grocery-store addict. I come complete with an enabler (husband) who aids me in my fixes.Two nights ago the enabler and I decided to go a little darker. One half hour later I have hair that can best be described as "burgundy." But lets be honest. My hair is dark purple.This wouldn't be a problem except for three things:1. The hair dye won't wash out. It will not. In the past, all it takes is about three washes with the cheap Smith's brand shampoo and we're back to normal. But it won't wash out. And I have to wait at least 2-3 weeks to dye it back to prevent complete hair fry-age. 1. My job right now is to look pretty. I'm serious. I stand behind my podium at the restaurant, I greet the customers, and I smile winningly when I tell them it will be at least twenty minutes before they get a table. And about thirty-five minutes for their sushi to arrive at said table. These same people then trust me with their credit cards. Would you trust someone with purple hair with your credit card and personal information? I didn't think so.But this is all child's play compared to the real problem- the mormom mafia/clone army that is my family. In this organization it is illegal to dye your hair. Highlights to increase the blondeness and set off the blue eyes? Fine. But going darker? Blasphemy. I mean, what would the prophet think? More importantly what would Grandma Margie think? Last month my cousin dyed her hair a few shades darker. Grandma not only wrote her out of the will, but she verbally crucified her in front of the entire family. Repeatedly. For weeks. She recently went back to being the flaxen haired clone we all know and love. (ps. HI JESS!) The enabler and I are currently thinking up excuses for missing the weekly family get together on Sunday. And next Sunday. And however many Sundays it takes to get rid of the eggplant hued mess. Seeing as my aunts still show up to this particular family function mere hours after giving birth, I'm probably going to have to die first. Or dye. Again.PS. For all of you still showing interest in the chickens that live outside my house, I'd like to inform you that a duck has now joined the ranks. So I'm in hiding. With my chickens and a duck. Think that will be enough to ward off my grandmother?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is freaky. the truth of our family is out and about. now the world will see how we suffer. p.s. you are very entertaining. you should go into journalism.
from,
a member of the blonde hair blue eyed mofia,clone,clan