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1/16/08

Self, I'm Very Disapointed in You.

Dear Self,

Please, for the love of all things holy, LEARN HOW TO SAY "NO." Honestly.

So a week and a half ago, myself and I decided to quit working at Jasmine restaurant in order to take a job elsewhere. When I took said other job, I was not intending to leave Jasmine, merely rearrange my schedule and try to do both. Because I am suicidal that way.

Actually, I just have an incapacitating inability to tell people "No." From nasty ex boyfriends to past employers, I have always wanted to please everyone all the time. I do not know what part of my brain inspires this behavior, because, based on my experience, the people who capitalized on my disability were not deserving of my kindness. And, in general, I dislike most people. Sorry.

In junior high, it was "Megan" a popular cheerleader who only wanted to be my partner in English because I was a good writer, and wouldn't say "No" when it came to doing all the work.

In high school it was "Andy" a manipulative little shit who told me I couldn't break up with him because he was terminally ill. (Why do I always find myself around pathological liars, I must be some kind of magnet.) "Andy" was going to die at the end of the year, and even though I was not worthy to be his girlfriend, as he had plans to date someone else as soon as she became available,( I never pointed out to him that he might be dead by the time that happened,) I was somehow obligated to stay with him. "Andy" and I dated up until my freshman year of college. (Unfortunately, he hadn't died yet.) Even when we broke up, I still could never tell him "No." I simply stopped answering his phone calls.

So my desire to try and work both jobs stemmed from my desire to not tell anyone, heaven forbid, "No." It took my boss screaming at me for even suggesting another job that made me put in my two weeks. And, I'm ashamed to say I did it in writing.

Since then, I've been waiting for my boss to do the inevitable- ask me to work past my two week deadline. I've practiced saying No to her in a myriad of ways. Standing up for myself and telling her that I will not work for her. No. No. No.

Tonight, I told her "Yes."

Please someone, send me to rehab. I'm addicted to Yes.

1 comment:

Rayzzle said...

Hey, if you ever get your self to obey your rationale, please tell me how. I hate my self right now for the same reason. (My self, not myself.)
~Rayzzle