we were allowed to get married only because my mom signed a permission slip and cuz he's already 16.

On Wednesday, I was subbing at Churchill Junior (again) and the teacher I was working for had "Lunch Duty." Although Subs are not normally required to do a teacher's "extras" (coaching teams, teaching their cheerleaders quasi sexual moves,LUNCH DUTY, etc.,) she mentioned that the kids were extra "difficult*" and that Deb, the lunch lady, could really use my help.

*she defining difficult as "sometimes kids who have not paid for a lunch steal milk."

WTF. Is that all you are worried about, Ma'am? Those naughty super-rich east side kids steal the milk?** I'm sorry, but last week, when I was working in Kearns, the Secretary informed me that if the kids started acting out, I could hit a button on the wall and "the school law enforcement would come and assist me." And you, my dear, are worried about spilt, er, ahem, stolen milk.

** Look, I know, it is bad to steal, especially if your mom sends you with a 20 for lunch every day, but really, this is what we are concerned about?

Moving on. I decided I would go help Deb out. I would like to say I did it out of the kindness of my heart, but really I am just super OCD about things and have an insane need to please people. I went down during lunch time, and asked for Deb.

Deb: "Now hey there sweetie, what can I do for you."

Me: "I'm Mrs. Neurotic's sub and I came to help with lunch."

Deb: "You're her sub, I thought you were one of the students who forgot their lunch ticket."

Me: "Nope, although it is not the first time I have been mistaken for a Jr. High School student."

Deb: (defensively) "Well you do look about 14!"

Me: "Thanks, what can I do to help?"

Deb: Go stand over there by the door and make sure nobody takes food out of the cafeteria."

Later, while standing by the door, the janitor comes up to me. She says hello and I smile politely.

Janitor "Are you new?"

Me: "No. I'm just a sub."

Janitor: "Oh I thought you were a new student!"

Me: Grimaces, politely.

My babyface features are one of the myriad of reasons I named my blog the way I did. (Another key factor is my belief that anyone who meets her husband at age 19 and gets married 8 months later is just that, a Mormon Child Bride.)

Fortunately though, my 25 year old husband looks much older than me. Two weeks ago, he ordered a car part from a store, and asked me to go pick it up. The store had misplaced the part, and the salesperson asked me to describe my husband, who had been in earlier to make the order.

Me: Um, Brown hair, 5'8', uhhhh

Salesperson: (calls back to another employee) "Hey Frank! You seen a brown haired person come in here asking for a fuel pressure regulator!"

Frank: Some kid came in here asking for one. Looked about 15 or 16, maybe...

Me: That's him

Salesperson: That little boy? That kid! That's your husband!

Me: He's 25!

Salesperson: "There is no way that little kid is 25!"

Me: "Okay. Did you find the part"

( There was no further point in arguing.)


Jessica said...

Hehe people are going to think your kids are really your siblings.

Lena said...

Awesome Jess! People at work are always asking what grade I am in. One girl almost made me bring in my marriage license cause she didn't believe I was married. I still don't think she believes me.

Nik "the BoyWonder" said...

I had that problem all the time on my mission...they would ask why I was not in school and why they sent 13 year old on was sad

Lisa Louise said...

stephanie you crack me up. You should just admit you are still both teens and see what people say.

barrett, danielle, and baby stephen said...

hi stephanie, i'm so happy you left your email - your posts are hilarious! and not awkward at all - i enjoyed working with dan at the U, and i'd love to stay posted on your lives as well! hope all is well! so combined age of you two is...33??? my husband's age :)

James McOmber said...

Doesn't that just make you want to go on a shooting rampage, or at least behead someone?

To me, that's like a fat person saying, "Yeah, I lost forty pounds and I'm down to 190 now --" and getting a reply of, "You're only 190? Holy crap, you look like you still weigh 275! There's no way you're 190. Are you sure? Get on a scale."

A. said...

How depressing. Everyone tells me I look older than I am.

Example: I was 12, my sister was 16, and some distant relatives thought I was older than her. WTF!!!

A couple years ago, my boyfriend-now-husband and I were hanging out with some people and they were surprised to learn we weren't at LEAST 25. Nope... more like 21 and 22. Huh.

Although I must say that now I'm married, I feel a lot younger. How does THAT work?