we have an understanding.

via text

me: I hate everyone today.

spouse: I forgot to bring the sheets (to my parent's home for washing). I'll wash them tonight.

That was the beginning and end of the conversation. I'm not kidding.

I am developing a very scientific theory (meaning it is my opinion based solely on my own experiences) that ADD is kind of like second-hand smoke. Just as someone who lives with a smoker often develops the same health problems as a smoker, living with an ADD person eventually causes your brain to function in a similar matter. Hence why the spouse chose to answer my text in such a manner. Unlike second hand smoke, however, the effects of second-hand ADD (SHADD) can often be beneficial.

When we first met, and I would text my husband completely random nonsense, the poor dear would try and interpret it like I was a human being capable of linear thought. I would say

"I hate everyone today," (but really just some customer who bothered me, or a fellow student who kept trying to be my friend...the nerve...)

and spouseman, well, back then he was "the boy {who} can cook," would inevitably reply

"What's wrong? Are you all right? What happened?"

And then I would be confused, having already forgotten that I sent him some border-line psychotic text at some earlier point. Then I would have to remember the situation that prompted the text, and inevitably start over with

"Everyone is retarded. That is all."

which would result in

"You'll have to tell me later"

Which I wouldn't, because I'd forget.

Now that spouse has "SHADD," these problems are eliminated.

And yes, I know what you are thinking, I don't know how I got accepted to grad school either.


Mar said...

I hate it when people try to be friends with me in any class-type situation. Seriously.

Lena said...

Hilarious! I am glad that your "condition" is contagious, though I will have to limit my contact with you. Movies, and sex parties only. Ding dong!

mommy dearest said...

I will now refer to my spouse as spouseman forever and ever.