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7/1/08

time bomb

I have been married almost a year and a half.

Which according to

Utah Culture

Mormon Culture

Probably any Culture, You Take Your Pick

it is time for me to reproduce. I do not know who picked this number, but in a year and a half, all couples are supposed to start at least considering spawn.

And no excuse for waiting is valid. No health insurance? I am told that "things like that work themselves out." In the middle of a grad program? "My mother got through nursing school and had two kids to boot!" Thanks for sharing.

Spouseman currently looking for a job? Wife pratically unemployed?"You'll never have enough money to justify having a kid." (true, but i think there should be at least some sort of minimum. like enough to buy diapers? maybe?)

I don't even try the "I am not interested in reproducing right now." That just gets me some variation of Sister Beck's "Women Who Know Reproduce Immediately" talk. Despite the fact that the First Presidency/common sense mentions that couples should make the decision to have a child carefully and after considerable thought/prayer, I cannot seem to escape the "it's wrong to wait one millisecond past a year and a half" mentality. I am also regaled with the "it's dangerous and unhealthy for an older women" spiel. Um. Hello. I'm 21. I think I'll still be young enough to reproduce for a while.

I have a relative that is so certain that I will be pregnant any day now that she makes casual reference to how my Grandparents will come home from a mission to a great-grand baby living in the house. It's a shame people discourage physical violence among family members.

My favorite part of this little conundrum is that while telling me I must get pregnant RIGHT NOW, the same people tell me horror stories-

Your body will never ever be the same. You will be fat and ugly forever.

Sex sucks after childbirth.

Your Children become more important than your Spouse. Your marriage will fall apart.

I went to get induced and woke up missing a limb.

I don't think these people realize the irony of telling me to get pregnant in the same breath they tell me how awful child rearing is.

So here's a suggestion. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And if you promise not to tell me when to bring life into the world ever again, I promise to let you hold the little nugget once it's actually born.

deal?

23 comments:

Katie said...

Maybe you getting pregnant is the key to the spouseman finding a job? Maybe that's how these things work themselves out. Babies = bargaining tool for the blessings you need.
Maybe the relative with the soon-to-be-red-hand-printed face is on to something.

Brammer Family said...

One word: WAIT!!! :)

The Sage said...

My wife and I were married for four years when we had our first child. Best decision we could have made.

I got a lot of crap from my relatives too. Fortunately they never asked if we were having trouble in that department... that would have been creepy.

As trite or cliched as it sounds, the only people who should be involved in the decision are you, your husband, and God. You'll figure it out together.

There are a lot of things you give up when kids come and some things will be different, but it's hard to imagine life without them. The good and the bad aspects.

Sue said...

We waited five years. Part of the time by choice, part of the time not so much by choice. It gave us a really strong foundation. It was good that we had time to do stuff together on our own and get to know each other so well before kids ever became part of the picture. I've never regretted that time.

Kari said...

Ok, first of all, CUTEST wedding pic ever in your profile!! (eek, that sounded a bit "seriously so blessed, but I'm telling the truth!). I stumbled upon your blog, and just wanted to leave a comment saying hi!

AzĂșcar said...

We were married 6 years before children and we are still alive. Oh yes, 28 year old women can have babies too (it's a modern day miracle.)

i'm tired of thinking of new names said...

First, when I called myself "the same" in your last post, I meant it's the same person as the person who wrote the comment immediately before it (i.e. me, your most favorite person in the whole world--with the possible exception of Dan...possibly). Just in case you didn't catch that.

Second, I thoroughly enjoyed that you called your hypothetical child a "nugget." However, I don't want to hold it. I hate babies.

That said, anyone who thinks starving grad students should have children ought to be sterilized, since they are clearly idiots and their genes should be nipped in the bud. Actually I can think of a lot of people that should be sterilized/euthanized. But then this is really neither the time nor the place.

Lena said...

Amen sister! I have also been getting the pressure for some time now. I think my family is afraid that if they push me too hard I will just give up. I am not so set on lots of kids, that it is past me to say, "hey, if its that big of a deal, just have your own kids!"

I still think that Spring of 2010 is not a bad plan...what do you think? You, me, Jess? Sounds like we could be Pre-natal buddies.

Nik "the BoyWonder" said...

Just start telling people that Dan in infertile...then start crying....that will teach 'em...or you should just buy a book and keep it in your car for everyone to see something like "Dealing with infertility" that is what Talina did....

bonz said...

According to your profile, you've actually only been married 15 months. So technically you have 3 more months to get knocked up.

Brandon said...

So MCB...I have a funny story to tell you, but it has nothing to do with you giving birth, although I do think you should wait, you are much to young still.

Anyway, you know how we had that dinner for the last night of class? Well, I didn't attend, just wasn't in the mood. I felt bad, but not THAT bad. However, I should have known that with my dumb luck something horrible would have happened to me. Karma. So, I'm shopping at the Gateway the following Saturday and low and behold I hear my name called from behind me.

"Brandon?"

I turn around cautiously and there is Joyce, holding up a fashionable silk shirt (much like her other fashionable silk shirts that we are accustomed to seeing her in).

"Hi. How are you?" I respond.

"Good, we missed you on Thursday."

Oh crap! She totally called me on it. We engage in some small talk for a bit and then all of the sudden I blurt out..."Well, it was good to see you, I'm SO glad your class is over."

WHAT??? Did I really just say that to her face? I was mortified. Idiot!

So now Joyce S. will forever remember me as the guy who hated her class!

How are you by the way? I hope you’re not weirded out by this, but I love reading your blog. It makes me laugh hysterically.

Mar said...

Hey I just turned 30 and my first child is due any day now. Take your time, little MCB.

That reminds me, the other day a girl said to me, "You know you are going to have this baby and your life will never be the same. I mean it will TOTALLY change." She's a genius though and it was really something I had NEVER thought of. Really, people are just stupid and they seem to be more so when you are pregnant.

KT said...

People just want to push you into having babies early because they're ticked off that they did and now they're bodies suck. I know that's my plan after I give birth. :-)

Jessica said...

I"m still in. Spring 2010.

Sarah holman said...

ok, may I just say...don't let them get to you! I am 26 have been married for 5 years and am not expecting to be getting any little ones yet. People are always asking us when we are going to start a family. I have not done this yet, but I really want to tell the next person who says that that I am physically and medically unable to have kids and then cry and then bask in their look of embarrassment for bringing up a touchy subject and making me cry.
We will see if I ever actually do that. Point being, don't let others make you feel bad about it. make your own decision on the time frame that is best for you!

Valerie said...

Kids will come, when they are meant to come. We didnt try with our first, and she was a surprise. We tried for what seemed like an eternity for our second. It took 4 years for us to conceive her. So my advice ( cause who doesnt like advice from strangers...ha! ) is let nature take it's course and whatever happens happens. Oh and another lil tidbit~ i've learned this invaluable in general but especially with child rearing cause that advice gets more pushy. Nod and smile and say Wow ok I never thouught of it that way. Doesnt matter if you dont agree. Just saves having to battle your choices.

jeri said...

Found you surfing through blogs. Don't know quite how I got here. Like your blog though, very funny/interesting/not boring.

It's weird how in Mormondom, anything past the 1.5 years and you're constantly getting comments about kids. We were married over 3 years before we had the first one and it was a wise and inspired decision. Don't have kids on someone else's schedule.

It doesn't really stop though. After kid #2 turned 1.5, we started getting "the hint". Answering truthfully, that you only ever wanted 2 kids, just gets you a blank stare and some comments about "surely having enough room/love/money for at least one more?" It never ends.

Laurie said...

We waited 6 years and are so so grateful that we did. Having children is hard and we are so so glad we had that solid foundation of our marriage before we had kids.

MandoRama said...

Take your time, sweet thing.

JustMe said...

Hi Steph: I keep reading your blogs and I'm beginning to feel like I know you. I could be your mother - but you make me laugh so I guess we've got the same kind of sick sense of humor. My son got married right after his 1st year at BYU-I - he was 22 - she was 19. They've been married 5 years and still no kids. And spent the first 4 years of their marriage at school getting harassed for not having kids. I told them just to tell people they didn't like sex - it usually shut them up because they didn't know HOW to respond to that. :-)
sallie.hammock@gmail.com

Valerie said...

I found you through Navel Gazing...

Love the "Women Who Know Reproduce Immediately" - I'm still giggling.

momof8 said...

We were one of those "evil" couples who waited to have children. Dear MIL can never remember how long we've been married because we "did it wrong" since we didn't have a baby within the year we got married. All those same judgmental people started telling us we didn't have to repopulate the world by ourselves when we had #6. We went on to have 8. Some people must just like telling everyone else what to do.

Jillybean said...

I was also going to suggest that you tell people that you were having fertility problems, I like the suggestion that you burst into tears, but maybe you should also say something like "I don't wan't to talk about it. It's just too painful!"

Or you could just tell them that you don't like the current styles at Baby Gap and Gymboree, and you're waiting for them to come up with cuter clothes before you even consider getting pregnant.