I live in my grandmother's house. She is on a mission in the butt-crack of nowhere, and I am now the "Keeper of the Vinyl*."
She has those Vinyl-lettering on wooden boards things all over the house.
Always Say A Prayer
If It Gets Too Hard To Stand, Kneel
As For Me and My House We Will Serve the Lord
The Only Idol I Worship Is Martha Stewart.
No. Not the last one. I made that up.
I've never been into the little wooden sign thing. I'm not against them specifically, but I really just don't need lots of vinyl to remind me to pray. That is what I use caffeine for.
BUT. IF I did ever decide to get a vinyl sign with words it would say this:
DO NOT ENGAGE WITH CRAZY.
I think this sign would actually help me with my life. You see, I always have the problem of assuming that most people are relatively normal and can be reasoned with. I am wrong. Which is the wording a Vinyl sign would have if Le Spouse were in charge of picking a sign for me, but he isn't. **
Here are the people I will not engage with.
1. Anyone, including relatives, who say the words community organizer with the same spite I usually reserve for the words anti-Semite and pedophile. Even if you don't like Obama, it is never a bad thing to try and be engaged in helping your community.
2. Anyone, including relatives, that try and engage me in a political discussion in front of my very conservative extended family. They do not want to discuss things reasonably. They want to make me feel bad.
3. Any customer at my cafe over the age of 70. Even if you did tell me you wanted mustard on your sandwich, I will not engage. I will make you a new sandwich.***
4. Comment McCommenster. Will always think I am a complete ADD crackhead, even though I keep telling her I'm just ADD, I gave up the crack years ago.
I. Will. Not. Engage.
* Is that how you spell vinyl? It looks wrong. Mean Commenter Person, DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS QUERY.
**NO, he wouldn't really. If Le Spouse were in charge of picking a sign for me it would be all, "I love you forever, muffin, but you are totally wrong on this subject, you know it, I know it, but you are just to stubborn to admit it. I still love you, please don't throw that can of diet coke at me, LOVES." Again, he is not in charge.
*** No, I won't. I will just take your sandwich apart, spray some mustard on it, rearrange it so that it looks different, add a new toothpick, and send it back out. That is called NOT ENGAGING.