On the other side.

My husband and mother occasionally bi-, ahem, complain about the difficulties associated with living with someone with ADD. To which I generally respond: Oh poor babies, eternally sealed to genius.

My husband and mother also have a theory that my father and I are a bit autistic. To which I say: There are worse things.

However, I gained some sympathy for the two after going shopping with my father. Not only did he frequently abandon his shopping cart (with wallet, coat, and selected items inside) to go look at something covered in glitter, he also frequently complained (as I often do,) about the presence of "too many damn people in this store!"

If he wasn't checking out sparkly Christmas wreaths selling for $300, he was asking employees to help him locate things, only to walk away mid-sentence, and in the most awkward moment, asking a fellow customer if he could pet her tiny dog.

Dad: "Can I pet your dog?" (while already petting dog)

Suspicious middle-aged woman:"Ummmm...."

Dad: I love dogs. But I'm not allowed to have one. I can either have a wife, or a dog.

At which point, the SMAW looks at me, assumes I am the wife, and gives me a look that could only mean "You little gold-digging tramp." Because apparently 49 yr. old men do not go shopping at Home Goods with their 22 yr. old married daughters. Only Hugh Hefner wannabees and gold-diggers allowed, thank you very much.

Anyway, after successfully navigating him through the check-out, where he tried unsuccessfully to barter with the grumpy cashier, ("Is that the best deal I can get? Is this what I get for being so good looking!") he dropped me off, somewhat dejectedly.

I later heard that he felt unsatisfied with his shopping experience. This may have had something to do with the fact that every time he asked me if he wanted yet another shiny vase/sparkly Christmas tree/ lavender bath-towels, I said "No Dad, you don't."

I feel sort of guilty now.

Dear Dad,

Next time, I will let you buy something covered in glitter.

Love, Your DAUGHTER (not your wife.)


Dear Mom/Spouse: There are still worse things.


Jessica said...

Why is it that we never hang out with your dad? He sounds awesome.

mommy dearest said...

This is why I don't shop with you and your dad. It is the sacred duty of the first born to shepherd the male parent through these dangerous situations. I will note I was home cleaning the garage and unplugging the drain. Dan and I need a boys night out.

JustMe said...

Buy dad glitter! Maybe some nice glitter blush for Christmas. ;-)

I found 2 great blogs - you should check them out:

Mrs. Clark said...

Hey, at least your dad is willing to shop with you. And consider buying lavender towels.

Since I am married to someone with a touch of ADD (translates as bizarre idiosyncratic hobbies and interests), I get it.

I'm just grateful, as your mother should be, that he's not a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism.

bonz said...

And you're RELATED? weird.

Nicole said...

Steph: My heart feels for you but you should have asked those of us who work with your dad on a daily basis if it would be a good idea to go shopping with him... the answer would be NO!!!

jeri said...

Your dad sounds awesome.

Joy said...

I am subscribing to your blog purely because of this post. There is no way I'm showing this to my fiance or my father, because you and your dad sound way to much like myself and my mom. (I wasn't diagnosed until my last semester of high school, and my mom wasn't diagnosed until she realized that she had all the symptoms that the medicine helped me with)