Dear Obama,

You know I'm all over your recent election, but I'm not so sure about your stimulus plan. I'm a liberal, but honestly, $800 + billion? Are you sure? Please work on that.

Yours, Stephanie.

ps. Also, I think I have an ear infection. Could you work on that health care reform thing? Thanks.

pps. Your wife is still smokin'.


annoying student quote of the day

student: "We do WAY too much work in this class."

me: (in my head) What in the hell were you expecting to do for an hour and a half???????????


things i am enjoying, RIGHT NOW.

1. I'm working at my desk, and I can hear the teacher next door giving an excellent lesson on government systems in Shakespearean literature. She somehow managed to put in an awesome plug concerning the need universal health care. I can't describe how she made it seem relevant, but she did.

Sign of a good teacher: ability to brain-wash your students WITHOUT THEM KNOWING IT IS HAPPENING.*

2. She also very loudly said "What were women not supposed to have in Shakespeare's England? SEX DRIVES!"

3. The idea that after today, I will only have 3.5 weeks left of student teaching. This is making me very happy because this morning I was FULL OF RAGE at a student teaching situation that I cannot discuss on the Internet. The idea of being nearly done with this little social experiment is making me very happy.

4. Still feeling sort of giddy about meeting (and kind of stalking in order to meet) Miss Nemesis last night at her place of employment. Slight downer? I was wearing only kinda clean yoga pants at the time. Apparently though, Nemesis is a forgiving soul, because we are still scheduled for a hair-braiding giggle fest. Woot.

*Westminster may disagree.


announcements announcements!

1. The lecture/structured lesson plan went very well today, than you very much. In case any Westminster spies are reading this, let me emphasize that my lecture was a TWEAKED DIRECT INSTRUCTIONAL STRATEGY. There was some discussion, and lots of visual and auditory learning opportunities blah blah blah. Sometimes structure is good.

2. More importantly, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY more importantly, someone in the Child Bride household no longer has any bloodclots!

Congratulations to the Spouseman for no longer being a freak of medical nature!


I, as the primary worrier in this situation, am very happy, but even Mr. Calm and Reasonable Spouse is happy too. Hooray.




bad teacher versus good teacher.

I am creating a deliberately lecture-intense lesson plan for my Government class tomorrow. Followed by an assignment to write a very long research paper. Why?

a. We've played all the fun "learning activity games" and it resulted in chaos.
b. We've watched both documentaries and feature films and it resulted in chaos.
c. We've made attempts at both group and partner activities, and it was chaotic.
d.. We had a lovely and interesting guest speaker come with an hour's worth of visual aids and demonstrations, and the class was not only disrespectful, but as usual, it resulted in chaos.
e. I have given them class time to finish all of their classwork, and instead of using it wisely, it resulted in, wait for it, chaos. And a significant drop in the class average.

So. Lecture. And homework. And a very annoyed student teacher cackling in the back of the class. Bwahahahaha.


i am now one of THOSE girls.

One of those girls with permanent make-up. I know. I know. Slippery slope to anthro obsessions, mistakenly believing that there is a major life lesson to be learned about slightly changing your appearance, (at least I am not telling you about how a new lipstick shade gave my life greater meaning, count your blessings, I say,) and all sorts of other tomfoolery.

But alas, I can defend myself.

You see, my sister Grace came home the other night with her eyelashes dyed, proclaiming that she never had to wear mascara again, and all because she paid $12 for some minion at Paul Mitchell School to dye her lashes.

I was intrigued. You see, I rarely wear mascara, and if I do, it is applied during a particularly long red-light on my way to school. This usually results in some kind of mess, and is also dangerous.

So I decided to give it a shot. I made an appointment, and the following are my observations from the experience:

1. Even if you make an appointment, you will still wait at least a half hour to be helped. This is probably why all the services there are incredibly cheap. It's a cruel, cruel game they play, those Paul Mitchell minions. I was just about to leave, un-dyed and grumpy (WHAT is the POINT of an appointment if you still have to wait with all the other walk-ins,) when a very tiny Middle-Eastern girl came and fetched me.

2. Not only do you have to wait half a year to be helped, but whatever you are having done will take forever, too. That's because a supervisor has to approve every little movement done by their charges. While I was waiting, I watched a girl slowly clip what I am certain was a single hair, turn to her supervisor for approval, and then pick up another single hair and continue.

I am never getting my hair cut there, ever. I don't care how cheap it is, I would inevitably go mad, snatch the scissors, and probably do permanent damage to myself and/or others.

3. Fortunately, I only have a few eyelashes, so my little procedure was fairly quick.

4. Additionally, why you are waiting, you will inevitably end up watching the flat-screens they have set up all over, and thus you will inevitably see footage of well-coiffed, half-naked, and mostly likely gay ballerina men dancing about to loud music. I do not know what this has to do with hair, or eyelashes, but it was nonetheless on the screen.

5. Lastly, you will probably feel really bad for the tiny Middle Eastern girl who is painting your face with petroleum jelly (to make sure the dye doesn't discolor your skin,) and you will leave her a huge tip. Because she was adorable and all apologetic about the wait, and told you all about her boyfriend who wasn't committing right before Valentines, and how she is trying to drop the weight she gained in hair school, and you will chat about how hard it is to work out while going to school and working and yeah, huge tip.

But, apparently, I will never have to wear mascara again (6 weeks) and the odds of me killing someone while driving to school at 7:00 am and applying said mascara are greatly reduced.

The End.

Addendum. Afreakin'dendum. For those of you who care about me not a whit, and simply want a Spouse update- his appointment was canceled. (Boo.) He is rescheduled for next Tuesday.


le spouse

Spouse is having his legs scanned tomorrow to see if he has any blood clots left. I told him that he isn't allowed to have blood clots anymore, so the scan will definitely come back negative.

Now we have to decide what to do for our anniversary this year. Because what can top a harrowing hospital stay and learning how to give your husband shots while the top of your wedding cake* defrosts in the microwave?


*We still have cake. Lots of frozen cake. You should come over. We'll have a party.


Things That Give Me Anxiety, part 3,00569890

1. Ads during Channel 1 at school. If you didn't grow up with Channel 1, let me tell you what it is. Channel 1 is an allegedly teen-friendly 10 minute news program that airs in public school across the nation. Now see here, I LOVE Channel 1. It can be cheesy, but mostly it's a pretty decent way to keep teenagers caught up on world events. Plus, Anderson Cooper was one of the first broadcasters. Anyway, in our school, it is policy to watch Channel 1 at the beginning of any history class, including my own lovely American Government class. They get points for watching quietly.*

Here is where the anxiety comes in. Channel 1 has a lot of advertisements. And mostly, the ads are for good causes: scholarship websites, abusive relationship hot lines, etc. But sometimes there are ads for really violent/sexually graphic movies. Which my kids have to watch. I mean, I guess they could close their eyes, but seriously, it makes me anxious that I am telling kids they have to watch a program that may blast them with a very graphic ad for The Unborn horror movie at any moment. Anxiety.

Moving on.

2. Other ads for movies that promote bad behavior besides/ in addition to sex, drugs, satan, and violence. Specifically, movies that promote reckless spending and make me ashamed of my gender= ANXIETY.

(Note. The following movies were also advertised for during Channel 1)

Movie/Exhibit A: Bride Wars. Seriously? Did anyone go see it? In this time of economic woe did anyone go see a movie promoting two spoiled Manhattanites scrabbling over who could have a dream (read: expensive) wedding at the Plaza? If you saw it, did you resist the urge to vomit the whole time?

Also. How insulting. The idea that otherwise nice women, who are FRIENDS, no less, would be reduced to wild animal behavior over a wedding location=funny makes me....wait for it...anxious. The fact that I know it isn't all fiction= more anxious.

Honestly, I kind of want someone to email me and be all "YOUR ANXIETY WAS IN VAIN. Because actually, the Anne Hathaway character and the Kate Hudson character realize 15 minutes in that they are being idiots and donate all their wedding money to charity and have a double wedding and nice reception in a backyard somewhere and then they spend their honeymoons in Africa saving orphans"

But unless I get that email, I will continue being slightly perturbed/anxious about humanity.


Next film.

Movie/Exhibit B: Confessions of a Shopaholic. Now I've heard that the novels this movie is based on are actually quite charming. So why does it make me anxious? Because, basically, it is another movie about a spoiled Manhattanite, who gasp, fights with other women when she doesn't get the dream (read:expensive) shoes she wants. While the members of the audience fret over job security. And feel ashamed of their gender. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

And this concludes yet another fascinating episode of "Things That Give Me Anxiety."

*Not my policy, and I have some qualms, but it is the school policy and I am a powerless minion slave.


I've realized something.

I can only be a good teacher to ONE of my subjects a day. So I rotate. One day I rock in 11th Grade English. It's not hard, Fahrenheit 451 is awesome. The next day I rock at 12th Grade English. And lastly, I make an attempt at rocking the circus that is American Government.

But it never happens all at once. The rocking, that is. It never happens, but at least there is some AWESOMENESS in there somewhere, right?

Thus, I have decided that I intend to use this technique should I ever mother multiple children.


I'm sorry

I'm sorry for inundating everyone with my non-stop student teaching monologue, but let's be honest, it is pretty much all I do.

But, good news people! I have only six weeks left! That is almost half way.


1. Only one of my classes hates me. Suck it, 4th period American Government.....

2. Teaching English is much easier (for me, anyways,) than teaching Gov't. But that could possibly be because the Gov't curriculum is retarded.

3. Instead of making kids take Financial Literacy (which by the way, apparently falls under the category of "social studies" meaning I may have to teach it,) I think we need a class called Common Sense :10 Ways to Not End Up Incarcerated.

Why? Because I overheard this conversation last week:

Girl to other Girl: "So if I hit him with my car, do you think I would go to prison?"

Other Girl: (thinks for a minute) ....Um....yes. I think so.