whilst i dumb down my lessons

I would like to share with you a list of some things I think are highly over-rated.

1. Wearing headbands like a hippie instead of like a normal person. Headbands are meant to hold back hair, not create an oddly shaped indent on your forehead, or emphasize your poof in the back. I like headbands, but wearing them like a hippie is a completely over-rated trend that needs to die now.

2. Headbands with huge accessories, especially those of the feather-variety. I mean, I appreciate the flash-back to the 1920's flapper era, but unless you are going to a garden party at Gatsby's house, stop wearing them. No one needs a ten-foot tall peacock feather headband to run to the grocery store or eat at Cheesecake Factory.

3. Cheesecake Factory.

4.Glenn Beck. He's fine, he's not nearly as irritating as his colleagues Limbaugh and Hannity, but he's not the one and only expert on politics or morality. Over-rated. And I think it is a stupid tactic to imply that only conservative Republicans think "America is good" and that only Republicans "try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday."

What he is trying to say is that if you agree with me on these points (America and honesty are good,) then you must be a conservative Republican, like me.

I think America is good. I try and increase my honestness factor, and yet, I do not agree with Beck's politics. One event (me agreeing) did not cause another (me becoming a Republican.) There is a logical fallacy in your argument, Mr. Beck, and it's called false cause. Try harder.*

5. Brangelina.

6. Parent-teacher conferences. In theory, these allow for better communication between teacher, parent, and student, and results in improved student behavior/grades. In practice, it is irate parents who truly believe that you forced their son to fail, and thus loose his football scholarship.

7. Giving football players scholarships to top-tier schools when they are failing English.

That's it for today.

*Note that reading this blog post does not mean I expect you to agree. We can all be different! We can all be friends, even! Even if you are wearing your headband incorrectly! I will fix it for you, but then we can totally be friends! See you at Cheesecake Factory! (just kidding.)


MamaBear said...

i'm so glad i found your blog (from my sister's links). you crack me up! how long until graduation, when you can be a REAL teacher and make the students HATE you???

Kalli Ko said...

yesssss... I've been formulating my thoughts on the improper head band usage for some time now and I believe you summed it up perfectly.

Brandi said...

In high school (just over the Utah border in Wyoming) I was on the Academic Decathalon team. Yes, I was a nerd. We won the state championship, but had to forgo the national competition because the school wouldn't pay for us to travel to Arizona and we weren't able to raise enough funds on our own. However, the school paid for the football team to travel anywhere they needed to go, paid for a steak dinner for the team before every game, and I could go on and on but it will just make me angry.

So, I'm with you on the scholarship crap.

Sarah said...

I'm trying to decide whether you would like the way Eliot wears her headbands: over her eyes pinning her ears to her head.
I would like to think it's because she's starting a new trend, but we all know it's just me being a negligent mom.
Any I agree about the football/ wrestling scholarships. Mostly because I married one.

The Boob Nazi said...

The incorrect headband thing KILLS me too.

Michemily said...

Yeah, I never understood the whole "Let's go stand in line to eat at a place called Cheesecake Factory" thing. As for the headbands, I've seen them making their rounds online but they aren't here in Germany. People here must be smarter. Or, like me, they have weird shaped heads that wouldn't support those Lamanitish headbands very well.

Rachel said...

totally with you on the Cheesecake factory. Seriously. It's not that good.

Lena said...

So, if I wear my head band correctly, but I put a mildly gaudy feather accessory or larger than life Gerber daisy on it, can I still wear it? Cause if I can, I have some great ideas for your birthday present.

Mrs. Clark said...

Gee, I guess I'm lucky to have missed that little phenomenon. Shows how little I've been out of my folks' house here in Zion. Did eat at Rodizio's Grill and Cafe Rio, but spied no feathers nor Indian-style headbands.

Lindsey said...

:) Steph. I love you so much. You are so great! Thanks for being such a great example and helping me stay away in my history class...thank goodness for laptops...

megs said...

i think i've only seen the head band thing once or twice.i haven't seen too many gaudy accessories on the headbands either. hum.

i love cheesecake factory but i will not wait an unreasonable amount of time to go there.

i also love glen beck. he makes me laugh. i listen to him a lot and agree with him a lot. sorry :(

do you know what i hate??? uggs!!! sick!!!

Shar said...

I hate hippies, so I don't like the headbands either.

I like Cheesecake Factory because I get the same thing EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

The Red Pen said...

Here I am again, commenting stranger. This is embarrassing.

Anyway, do you ever agree with someone so much you squirm around reading it, incapable of just sitting still? OK, that's me, on #3 thru 5, plus 7. And the others I just don't know enough about.

Cheesecake factory/Repubs/Brangie? I thought I was the only one. That should actually be my screen name.

Thank you for the stroke of genius.