i am writing my last paper


For Westminster.

It is actually proving very difficult. Even for an "emo paper." ("Emo papers," as defined by fellow Westminster student Halley, is when the faculty makes you write about your deep dark feelings.)

We've written a lot of emo papers for Westy, and it doesn't get any easier. You are supposed to write about your thoughts/feelings, but only your Westminster approved thoughts, and a lot of the prompts have not so subtle suggestions to describe how you were a racist/bad/evil teacher pre-Westy, and an amazing/culturally sensitive/AWARE* teacher afterward.

Describe how Westminster changed you in an academic, APA style thesis.
Write a journal about how Westminster changed your life.
Write a reflection piece, in first person and APA style (wtf, am I supposed to cite myself in the bibliography? Mormonchildbride, S., A. (2009). My Thoughts. Salt Lake City, UT: My Brain.) on how Westminster basically rocks.

Sigh. I'm so near to being done, yet so far away.

Vomit all over my face.

*That was for you, James.


these interactions make my life

"Steph. This is your Dad. Do you want to join me for some meaningless, mindless, aimless, and utterly pointless shopping for the sole purpose of I'm feeling depressed?"

"Um. YES."


"Are these good pants (modeling)?"



"They have PLEATS, Dad, PLEATS."


"Um. Since the late '80's."

Two pairs of shoes (one for me, one for him,) Two pairs of pants, (unpleated, both for him,) One shirt (him, not lavender,) One sparkly glass orb thing (his, duh,) and one pair of earrings (mine, thankfully,) later we are both feeling much better about the state of the world.


let us clarify a few things

Miss California (yes, I am talking about the Miss USA Competition)

Did not answer "that question"* eloquently.

Now, I don't know much about beauty pageants, and all I've seen is the infamous gay marriage clip, and a bunch of post-clip commentary, but honestly, I think it is a little silly when people insist she should have won, because her answer was so "articulate" and "eloquent."*

Um, guys, she said she "believes in opposite marriage." What the heck is opposite marriage? Does that mean we are all married to our opposite? (I sort of am, but are the rest of you?)

*Now before anyone gets all antsy, let's clear up a few things.

1. I am not trying to start a pro/anti gay marriage debate. Miss California has the right to believe in whatever she likes, and she's brave to stand up for her beliefs (however strangely expressed) on TV while wearing a dress that looks like a dead swan.

2. Did she probably forfeit her crown because her answer wasn't politically correct? Maybe. But I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that she made up a phrase that didn't exist, and really, didn't make very much sense. (And because that other chick won the swimsuit and ball gown part of the competition.)

Either way, commend her for her bravery, disagree with her politically, but whatever you do, let's drop the whole "articulate and eloquent" act.

Unless, as, as Jimmy Kimmel noted, you would like wedding vows to read along the lines of

"I take this opposite to be my lawfully wedded husband..."

And we wonder why I'm struggling to finish my homework.....


oh dear.

I just spent all the money I earned this morning on shoes.


*At least it was only a half day's pay and not a full day, right? RIGHT.....

And if I never graduate (still doubtful as of this writing) at least I will have cute shoes, right? RIGHT.

** I blame any future and temporary TAMN behavior on Westminster.


i am feeling slightly less grumpy and full of hate....

than usual.

I blame spring.


dear covergirl

The lipstick you make* makes me look a bit whorish. I mean, it looked nice and mellow in the package, but the real life effect is very Barbie-on-crack.

I love it.


Stephanie. * *

* That sentence was so muddled before. Still is. Don't drink (diet coke) and blog.

* *Let's all refrain from analyzing too deeply what this little factoid means about my character....


dear family of the spouse

Thank yous are in order.

Thank you for-

1. Making an Easter dinner that included covering everything with either cheese or whipped cream.

2. Jello SCULPTURES at said Easter dinner.

3. Drinking wine out of stemware decorated with Christmas trees. At easter dinner, and all year round

4. Getting just smashed enough to be delightfully funny.

5. Making a cake shaped like a baby lamb, and then very ceremoniously beheading it and arguing over who who gets to eat what part.

6. Even though your youngest child is 21, thank you pseudo mother in law for still hiding 155 Easter eggs.

7. Thank you to Dan's pseudo-siblings for fighting over the eggs. Thank you to pseudo older brother for being almost thirty and gloating over your finding-the-most-eggs win.

8. Thank you for excusing me from the festivities when you decide that a perfect Easter evening includes gathering up all the laptops in the house (there are many) to play some interactive computer game that apparently takes DAYS to defeat. Thank you for excusing me, just drop Spouseman off on the porch when you are done.

I love you people.


further examples of my poor life choices.

(note: I'm blogging during class again.)

I drank so much caffeine in preparation for my three hour class today, that my hands are shaking and I can't hold a pencil.

The girl next to me, who apparently has a sinus infection, is poking her cheeks with a bent paper-clip an an attempt to self-acupuncture.

We are the future educators of your children, people.



I think about getting back on facebook.

But then I remember that there are just so many people I don't want to be friends with.


quick! think FAST!

If you are LDS, all your men are going to a priesthood session tonight. Some of you women may be going out with friends, or with family.

The women in my family usually order pizza at an aunt's house, and we hang out.

I'm going. I'm hungry. I'm also wearing one of "those shirts" that make you look pregnant.

I'm not. But if I go, eat like I'm planning on eating, wearing "that shirt...."

It will be like the great dress debacle of October 2007, ("You're Pregnant! No I'm not! Don't bother lying! WE CAN SPOT A PREGNANCY! No I'm not! LIAR.....)

But I'm so lazy. It (the shirt) is so comfy.

Do I change? Or not?

(not going/eating is not an option....)

update: EPIC FAIL PEOPLE.... why isn't everyone else on the internet all the time...

whatever. wearing the shirt...

i hate it when

I find out that I like the same shows as people I dislike.

It leaves me wondering: what ELSE do we have in common????

It's very unnerving.