public service announcement to my coworkers

I will admit that I think is is vaguely adorable how you guys all hug each other upon arriving at work. And offer to rub each other's shoulders, and give supportive side hugs when a customer is rude, and braid each other's hair after the lunch rush, etc.*

But, seriously, as I politely told one of you yesterday, I'm really not a toucher. Thanks, though.

No. Seriously. Stop touching me.

Also, I will admit that I do not think it is amusing when you take my request as a challenge. I've been a non-toucher for over two decades now, and no amount of subtle arm rubbing is going to make me a hugger, a back-rubber, a side hugger, or a hair braider.

Are you serious? I said stop.

You know what, I changed my mind. You're right, co-worker(s), you can make me into a toucher. The next time you start rubbing my shoulders, I will punch you in the face.

Have a nice day!

Love, (and no hugs, and no kisses)


*Everything but the last item is based on real events.


Jane of Seagull Fountain said...

I am not much of a toucher either. Ever since fifth grade, when I succumbed to the tweenie pressure to play with friends' hair in class and the girl whose hair I played with all day went up to the teacher after the bell rang and asked about homework as she would be out of school for a couple weeks seeing as she had CHICKEN POX.

Jane of Seagull Fountain said...

P.S. Please don't do the partial feed. I haven't read your last few posts bec. I hate the partial feed with all my soul, but I'm glad I did on this one bec. it was funny and now I worry I missed other funny ones, but on principle I cannot look through your archive, so please change the partial feed.

Thank you.

gurrbonzo said...

It's okay, friend.


stewbert said...

*snort* i vote you punch them. awesome.

Crazy Walker said...

Total non-hugger here too. It's taken me almost 3 years to hug my in-laws, and it's still pretty awkward for me.

Co-workers? Now that's just ew...

Michemily said...

That is the weirdest thing ever. (Your coworkers, not you.) I've grown to be more of a toucher since I've been away from family, but it's still awkward sometimes.

JennyMac said... it.

Mrs. Clark said...

Y'know, this touching/hugging thing didn't go on in the 70s. I don't recall ever doing friends' hair in high school. I didn't hug people until after college. And I totally respect people who don't like it.

The Boob Nazi said...

Oh my gosh. I AM SO NOT A TOUCHER EITHER. I feel uncomfortable if my arm brushes up against someone!

Nookleerman said...

If the place you work is one that includes pieces of flair, you should wear one that says something like "Touching me! Some side effects may include black eye, swollen lip, bruised or broken bones, and in rare occurences disembowelment..."

JustMe said...

Used to have a RS president that hugged everyone walking into class. I finally had the nerve to ask her to stop.

Weird, but my "love language" is "touch". Maybe that's why I don't like strangers touching me - I get confused.