monday morning grump-fest.

It is Monday! It is morning! I am grumpy! Seriously, I just read it over, and I am a MONDAY GRUMPSTER. You have been warned.

Here is a list of things that I have been musing/grumping/being a snob about lately. Go ahead, read and judge.

1. Excessive Baby's first _________ (insert random thing there) photos, documentation etc. I'm not Scrooge. Babies are cool. But sometimes I worry for the parents who insist on documenting EVERY SINGLE FIRST. I'm talking going beyond first word or step and including baby's first glance at television, baby's first time using the green spoon instead of the yellow one, baby's first time wearing a hat, baby's first time going to this park instead of that park.

Man, Moms with babies, I'm already getting tired. And I didn't even push out a kid.

Also, it freaks me out because, um, hello MAINTENANCE. How long to you do "baby's firsts?" Forever? (Baby's first-getting-caught-by-the-cops-making-out? I'd like to see that on a onesie.) Also, what do you do with your other kids? Is is feasible (time-wise), logical, or even healthy to be doing baby's first-time-wearing-blue pictures with your fourth kid? If not, do you ever think it will cause some familial weirdness when Baby #1 has ten thousand scrapbooks of his first year of life, and Baby#2 has a couple of shots in the tub, and hey, maybe that's not even #2, it might be #3?

I don't know. I just don't know.*

2. Gendered Engagement Pictures. Excuse me for a minute whilst I climb upon my soapbox. Thank you. Okay. I am getting fairly tired of engagement photos depicting the dude doing something complicated, like reading a newspaper, or a book, checking out a map, solving world hunger, and running for president, while the girl blows a bubble with her gum, gazes adoringly and ditzily at her apparently pre-occupied significant other, or stares at her really cute shoes.

Um. No. NO NO NONONONONO. Calling the ghost of Alice Paul! We need your help! S.O.S.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just look at the camera and smile, people.

Steps off soapbox.

3. I get annoyed when people snarkily, (as opposed to the people who nicely refer to my job prospects, who I am not talking about here) imply that because I have my Master's Degree, I am less likely to get hired in my field. Um. NO ONE is getting jobs in my field. You know how I know? Because I've been stalker calling the districts where I live, and getting told as much. When there are 10 openings in a district, ranging from pre-K to High School, and 300 people are applying, and there are about 47 surpluses with hiring priority? YOU DO THE MATH.

Essentially, I'm saying, and I've said it before, that unless you teach math or physics, or if you are lucky, some elementary grades, it mattereth not the level of your education, there are still not a lot of jobs around here (Salt Lake). I know it would make some people feel better to think that my attainment of a higher degree is actually a bad thing, but it isn't.

*Don't even get mad at me here. I'm not talking about normal people, who take tons of photos of their kids. I'm talking about crazy people, who take a BAJILLION pictures of every event, significant or not. And document it. In five different forms. You know the type I'm talking about, and you know it isn't you, so calm down.


Sarah said...

I found you recently through Miss Nemesis. Love your blog! Love this post! I have been talking to friends about the baby thing recently. Truly is ridiculous!

La Yen said...

What the gendered what? Are you kidding?


Crazy Walker said...

I do believe the obsessive firsts ends after your first kid. Makes sense right? With your second kid, I think you're lucky if you can get a picture of "The second time the baby blew a spit bubble because the first time I was taking care of a snotty toddler".

As a mom, I still get annoyed with that too. Only I get annoyed at the "staged" photos. I have one friend who loves to set up her son "doing laundry" or "mopping", when really, she just threw the mop on the floor next to him. Niice.

The Boob Nazi said...

I hate the economy. I want it to get better NOW.

Rachel Sue said...

I just have to tell you, you are a breath of fresh air after countless "this is why my life and husband and job and whatever" is perfect blogs. Really, you are. Just thought you should know.

amanda said...

i've never seen those engagement photos... but yikes. hope i never do.

Mrs. Clark said...

Yeah, kind of makes me long for the days that taking a photograph entailed dressing up, taking the horse and buggy to the photographer's, and his having to make a wet plate while you stood still for five minutes while the picture was being exposed. Then we wouldn't have all these ridiculous photos. And speaking of photos--have you ever been to a Utah "scrapbookeen" store? Yuck, yuck, and triple yuck. My husband and I amuse ourselves with the misspellings and grammatical errors on the display pages.

And hey. Education is never, ever wasted. Whenever you are ready to come out here to the mission field, I'm sure there's a job waiting for you!

gurrbonzo said...

don't get me started.

the guy-reading-the-paper while girl-tends-the-kid-or-blows-bubbles thing has GOT. TO. STOP.

gurrbonzo said...

p.s. my friend suzy is the 5th kid and went looking for kid pics for her wedding video and guess what?

There weren't any.

A couple snapshots from the 3-5 age period, and that's it. Bahahaha.

Brooke said...

Reading a book is complicated?

JustMe said...

My favorite engagement picture - bride-to-be sticking out her tongue at her hubby-to-be.

Yes - it was classy. Low class, but classy all the same.

Love you little MCB - you make me laugh

Tammy said...

yes i think we need an example of one of those engagement photos

Stephanie said...

well brooke, apparently it is more complicated then blowing a big pink bubble gum bubble.

and tammy, i would love to post an example of the offending photos, but i've learned the hard way that when you post things like that, the original owner inevitably finds out. and comes after you. with ninjas.

Lauren Palmer said...

Stephster, when you type a word in all CAPS, spell it right. Like this: DAMN! You spelled MAINTENANCE wrong... but I'm not judging you, just trying to help you out. My baby sister still gets really worked up about the fact that there aren't copious amounts of baby pictures of her. But it's just because she's always worked up, and probably wouldn't sit still for pictures. I guess my parents will deign to apologize when she's in rehab, and the therapist calls us in to tell us that we didn't take enough pictures of her first diarrhea, her first spit-up, and her first vomit with actual chunks in it.

Kelly said...

Loved this post! Agreed with you completely. Glad I found your blog today : )

The Red Pen said...

I know a couple where (for their engagement pix) they were both sitting on a bench reading something pretentious. I guess it's kinda refreshing that she at least matched him. Or, it just doubled the obnoxiousness.

Other people's baby pictures are starting to make me so bored with babies that I wonder if I could even be entertained by my own. Maybe I should sterilize myself.