do you like my hat?


School starts so freaking early. I made the mistake of staying up waaaaaaay past my old lady bed-time of 9:45, (opting instead for a way past midnight one,) and now I am paying dearly for my stupidity. Do your eyes burn when you are tired? Mine do.

(It should be very, very, apparent that I am now typing solely to stay awake.)

Anyway, I thought I could get away with staying up late because today I am subbing, and not actually teaching anything. I forgot that you still need sleep in order to maintain basic human functions, like blinking. Also for typing.

How am I able to amuse you with my blogging splendor when I am supposedly working? I will tell you. Today I am getting paid a ridiculous chunk of change to sit in an empty classroom. The kids came in, I marked the roll, and then they were collected by their guidance counselors and taken to some seminar about staying in school, and going to college. (You know, all the usual liberal propaganda.)

I will repeat this procedure two more times, and then, since this teacher has a 4th period consultation (no students,) I will go home early, and still get paid for subbing the consultation period. Even though I am really at home in bed watching Mona Lisa Smile and eating gold-fish crackers and eventually passing out until Spouse gets home. (The life of a Mormon Child Bride is SO GLAMOROUS.)

And while I totally meant what I said (And I said what I meant, an elephant is faithful, 100 percent,) about loving my real teaching job and doing meaningful things, I have no moral qualms about earning money for doing absolutely freaking nothing. None. At all.

I am harboring some qualms about my next plan. Which is to lock the door, set an alarm on my phone, and take a nap under my desk. *

Too far?

*It is either nap, or blog recite more Dr. Seuss. I can recite the entire literary masterpiece that is Go Dog Go.

I know. Impressive.


Mackenzie said...

I hear you on the burning eyes. Got 'em right now. I wish I had a 4th period to sleep through.


NIKOL said...

I'm all in favor of the George Costanza style nap under the desk. It's a beautiful thing.

Kim said...

Sometimes if I need to (appear to) focus, I try to silently recite the poem Annabel Lee, one of the few things I remember from junior high lit class.

Rachel Sue said...

I wondered if that was where your title was from. . .

"To the tree! To the tree! Up the tree! Up the tree! Up they go to the top of the tree!"

Lena said...

I love napping at work. I have recently been seen laying my head on my arms in drive thru, even when not on break. They seem to think I have some kind of excuse. Keep up the Dr. Seuss.

MamaBear said...

i can recite go dog go, too, but i have 3 kids; what's YOUR excuse? (JK)

i'm very impressed at your suessian expertise. and i thought immediately of GDG when i saw your subject header.

you can always slap your face repeatedly. used to work for me.

stewbert said...

I used to sleep under my desk in English class. But I wasn't the teacher.

Man, that teacher hated me.

Pooh said...

I do. What a hat! I like it! I like that party hat!



Pooh said...

Sorry, it was reflexive. I have three boys, 5, 3 and 18 mo.

lindsey said...

I sleep under my desk ALL. THE. TIME. Especially my first year of teaching when my body wasn't used to the rigors of it all. I figure, if I am still working 12 hours a day, that hour long prep period is for me to use as I will. Also, I would scarf my lunch and then sleep the rest of the hour.

Also, hasn't anyone in Utah read the studies that say that it's actually better to start school later because teenagers are naturally staying up later? Seriously, this 7:45 am start is ridiculous. You should start at 9 like the Scots do. It's GLORIOUS.

lorena rose said...

The most important question:
So, DID you nap?

Your readers need to know.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

As an idiot who often stays up until 2-3 a.m. even on worknights because that's the way I'm wired, I believe the government should pass a law making naps at work mandatory. That's just me, though.