1. You post an alarming number of shoe pictures. Extra points for bowed-in toes, grandma shoes, and if the angle allows us to see just the hem of your vintage dress.
2. Bright lipstick plays an unusually large role in your concept of self-identity.
3. You post more than 5 photos of nearly identical "self portraits" in each post.
4. Said photos are Polaroids, or have been altered to appear like Polaroids.
5. You are under age 90, but like to give "advice" on topics like marriage, happiness, or love.
6. You have "sponsors", not ads on the side of your three column blog.*
7. You need those columns to fit all your buttons, and "sponsors" for shabby apple and random etsy stores.
8. I can't tell you apart from any of your peers.
9. You say "vintage" and "thrifting" like some people say "the" or "and."
10. Ironic fake glasses play an important role in your life.**
There. I said it. Socialists are not going to take over the world. Neither are Communists. It won't be blood sucking vampires, or brain-hungry zombies. It will be adorable little clones with perky lipstick. Be on the wary, good citizens.
*Can't take credit for this concept. As my friend Gurr would say, Causes (breast cancer, children in underdeveloped countries,) have sponsors. Bloggers have Ads.
** I know what I'm being for Halloween. Do you?