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10/26/09

10 signs that indicate that you are not a real person, but an adorable zombie clone, who maybe needs a time-out from the internet.

1. You post an alarming number of shoe pictures. Extra points for bowed-in toes, grandma shoes, and if the angle allows us to see just the hem of your vintage dress.


2. Bright lipstick plays an unusually large role in your concept of self-identity.


3. You post more than 5 photos of nearly identical "self portraits" in each post.


4. Said photos are Polaroids, or have been altered to appear like Polaroids.


5. You are under age 90, but like to give "advice" on topics like marriage, happiness, or love.


6. You have "sponsors", not ads on the side of your three column blog.*


7. You need those columns to fit all your buttons, and "sponsors" for shabby apple and random etsy stores.


8. I can't tell you apart from any of your peers.



9. You say "vintage" and "thrifting" like some people say "the" or "and."



10. Ironic fake glasses play an important role in your life.**



There. I said it. Socialists are not going to take over the world. Neither are Communists. It won't be blood sucking vampires, or brain-hungry zombies. It will be adorable little clones with perky lipstick. Be on the wary, good citizens.

























*Can't take credit for this concept. As my friend Gurr would say, Causes (breast cancer, children in underdeveloped countries,) have sponsors. Bloggers have Ads.



** I know what I'm being for Halloween. Do you?

16 comments:

Jane of Seagull Fountain said...

I was thinking of the advice one the other day. A mother of one 14-month old was pontificating on the fact that we should enjoy each and every childhood memory because they GO SO FAST.

Tell me again when you're (90 is old. I wasn't THAT draconian) 40.

Liv said...

this lemming mentality is exactly what has been pissing me off for the last two weeks.

Femme Facetious said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It seems cannot blog stalk an entire demographic of people anymore without being bombarded with pictures of dead women's shoes and the vintage tandem bicycle they ride around on and wedding pictures with bridesmaids in thrift store dresses.

That is all.

Sarah said...

Yes, I'm being Godric Gryffindor. That's right. I will be carrying a sword and bringing along a small lion.

This has absolutely nothing to do with your post, but I was distracted by your question.

Brooke said...

I'm totally going as Jane Goodall this year -- mostly so I have an excuse to carry around a stuffed monkey to class. And you're right; the clones are coming! I admit I love some of the vintage that is coming back ... some of the clothes and red lipstick. But too much is too much.

Crystal said...

I took a picture of myself in my fancy new rain boots, but all you could see was the hem of my grungy, pjs.

Also, in this economic downturn (which I totally blame on the socialist president! *sarcasm*) who can actually talk themselves into buying ANYTHING from shabby apple?

Amanda said...

I want to be an adorable zombie clone. I would actually have made a really good obedient Mormon but was raised by liberal lapsed Catholics in the Northeast so I vote blue and believe in socialist health care. Life would be so much easier if I didn't have to think.

NatTheFatRat said...

new reader, just had to tell you, i love this, and, you nailed it.

The Boob Nazi said...

I want to be a bruised banana for Halloween again, but I don't know where my costume went. I guess I won't be anything. Oh darn.

ChloƩ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicole said...

Please, PLEASE point me in the right direction. I need something new to hate and I am too unmotivated to find it myself.

Brandi said...

You're really TAMN, aren't you? 'Fess up.

Lena said...

Can't wait to see your costume!

The Boob Nazi said...

Please show us a picture soon? I need this.

Melinda said...

So close to outing yourself! I am so thankful for the few who approach life with healthy dose of cynicism, skepticism and realism, yet who still manage to believe in something.

If only there were a few more of us we could stage a coup and overthrow the zombies.

Katie said...

It's a good thing I'm allergic to lipstick.

Because if I had the energy I would totally be posting endless pictures of shoes. Sometimes I think they're far more awesome than anything I have to say.