guys! the universe smiles upon us!

Guess what the universe decided to gift us with this week?!?! (Besides two posts in one day on MCB).



The book is called Saving Kristen, and, well, SPOILER ALERT, here is a description of our leading lady: (pg. 9).

"You're the best looking girl here tonight. Look at you-blonde hair, blue eyes, a great dancer, good smile. A guy can't do any better than that."

Well. I've said it before, and I will say it again. Blonde is the hair color of the righteous!

If any of you actually read this, please email me if the following events occur in Saving Kristen

-Kristen strays off the path to eternal salvation, either via promiscuity or substance abuse.
-A man "saves" Kristen, and helps her return to the path of righteousness.
-Kristen is led astray by a slutty brunette.
-A man makes a vaguely misogynistic comment about women- I mean, what COULD be better than a blonde haired blue eyed dancer with a great smile? NOTHING.

Anyway. Thanks Jack! And thanks anyone who reads this an emails me details! And thanks Gurr for the informative email!

ps, on most computers, links show up as purple. But sometimes they don't. So if you think there should be a link somewhere, there probably is. Maybe just try clicking on random words? Like a treasure hunt?

But just in case, here is an extra, easy- to -see link to my previous musings on Jack Weyland.



Ru said...

Ahem. I just sent you an email about some of your questions regarding Saving Kristen, but I left something valuable out.

The gang of boys in the book ... the one that is so hard-core they rob drug dealers and murder people ... they named themselves "The Monkey Boys."

I have a feeling these people - - are very upset about this turn of events.

Femme Facetious said...

Bah, MCB, I tried, but I had to stop on the 6th page or so where Kristen's brother implies that she's a hussy. Whoops :P

Kristin said...

Jack really is the worst. Especially at flirtatious dialogue-- so painful! That quotation is a great example of the awkward awfulness of the entire Weyland catalogue.

Carley A. T. said...

I think I'd rather read this one:

Growing Up: Gospel Answers about Maturation and Sex

gurrbonzo said...

You're welcome.

Jessica said...

I cant believe that I even started reading that book. I've never been a jack weyland fan and that just clinched the deal. Good thing the baby was a sleep and my hubby was gone so it was a good excuse to waste an hour ahhhh... I should have cleaned the bathroom!

The Boob Nazi said...

Sigh. This just reminds me of when my mother gave me his books. Keep us updated about the plot, okay?

Chloé said...

haha i love you! you make me laugh so hard. i won't be reading thos book, so you probably won't get an email from me about it! hahaha

Sue said...

I read Charly approximately 54 times when I was a teenager. I used to pretend I WAS Charly.

It really pissed me off when he married the girl in the sequel. Way to betray your dead wife Sam.

I may read this book. Purely out of intellectual curiousity. Or something.

Brooke said...

This is great, but the post you linked to is amazing! It made me pretty sure buying Weyland for any adolescent girl would be more damaging than buying them cigarettes or fashion magazines. I hated these books, even back in junior high. There was one, maybe not even by Weyland (how many YA authors are there that use single female names for their titles, though?) that started with a girl who just had a baby and then her husband was getting all mad that she wasn't getting again skinny fast enough. I didn't make it past the third chapter.

P.S. I have a friend who reads Mormon romance novels to make herself feel better about her own writing, take a mental vacation, and because the girls in these books weep (not cry, weep) about every other paragraph. She's collected a pretty fantastic list so if anyone's needing some awesome "good-girl" trash, don't be afraid to e-mail me. ... I won't tell.

P.P.S. Ru -- There's a gang in the book? Does that mean this one isn't set within a two-mile radius of Temple Square? What is Jack coming to?

Mountain Gal said...

Whoever you are, you are hilarious! I had never read Jack Weyland, and was curious to see how accurately you had assessed/predicted his writing.

I skimmed this "free" book. (Who actually pays for this tripe?) The stereotyping and the assumptions in the story are so bad!

The story in a nutshell: A "blonde"/righteous Idahoan attends UCLA (against her father's better judgement). While there, she is led astray by a California boy/criminal. She doesn't lower her standards enough to drink coffee, but ends up drinking alcohol with surprisingly little pressure from him. Her childhood crush (who is on a mission) is inspired to send her a letter about the atonement (part 1 of "saving" Kristen). She eventually flees UCLA because she is afraid for her life.

Said So-Cal boy tracks her down and tries to kill her, but she is saved by a "good" (i.e. Mormon) cop. Her childhood crush who is a returned missionary suggests that she hang out at BYU Idaho (a much more appropriate environment than that evil UCLA) and proposes marriage (at the temple of course).

My 15 year old daughter and I found some of the lines both entertaining and disturbing. The worst:

"I'm not worthy of David. He's always been so good, and the way I behaved in California revealed how weak and shallow I am." BLAH BLAH BLAH

The clean honeymoon scene complete with a first family prayer and a pillow fight were a nice touch as well.

So much for my first and last Jack Weyland experience. I guess I must not be righteous enough to buy these for my daughter. I really hate how the Mormon men in this book are portrayed as so much "wiser" than the women. Ugh.

Mrs. Clark said...

I once saw Weyland signing books at the BYU Bookstore. I cut him a wide berth.

Simplistic, stereotyped trash. I don't hold Gerald Lund in any higher esteem, either. There is a lot of good stuff out there that isn't Mormon pablum. Get your kids to read Jane Austen, or even Nancy Drew (which is idealized and simplistic, but okay for younger kids)!

Ru said...

Brooke - oh yeah, there's a gang. A lot of the book is set in Los Angeles, after all. Gang membership is assigned when LA residents register to vote.

Azúcar said...


Queen of the Castle said...

All right Mormon Child Bride, I read the entire stinking thing. I'm a SAHP, so I just sit around all day eating bon bons anyway, so yesterday, I sat around all day eating bon bons (thin mint girl scout cookies, anyway) and reading Jack Weyland.
Well, she falls, of course, 'cause she didn't go to BYU-Idaho, she went to *whispers* UCLA, in the den of iniquity, California.
There she meets Chad, who is handsome, rich and willing to deal with Kristin's weirdness (her Mormon values). Come to find out Chad just wants to get Kristin drunk and get her into bed, but Chad has some other secrets... In walks the Mormon cop interested in helping Kristin out of the bad choices she has made.
Kristin almost dies at the hands of Chad, but the Mormon cop saves her. (Why does he have to be Mormon?) Then of course, she marries her brother's best friend, who is fresh home from his mission. Of course she gets cold feet, cause she got drunk a couple of times and made out with a guy in his apartment while they were alone, oh and I think she wore a skimpy swimming suit once too. But her intended is willing to overlook her transgressions (cause she's worthy to hold a temple recommend, her bishop said).
It's pretty classic Weyland.

Aunt Spicy said...

I have not read the book.
I have not read any Weyland books.
Probably because I am blonde, and grew up in Los Angeles, minutes from the UCLA campus, rarely date mormon guys, and never went to BYU-Idaho. I must be a heathen.

Charly said...

(Yes, I am named after his magnum opus. This is what happens when Mormon Gen X reproduces, people!)

Saving Kirsten is one of Mr. Weyland's most implausible, offensive, ridiculous tomes. The one about Sam and Charly's kid's addiction to p0rn is much, much worse though.

Nineties Name & Jen, had some pretty vivid scenes about bulimia. And my namesake actually has a personality (well, before marrying Sam, especially: gotta love when she's like, "sex is a recreational activity we enjoy!") Nicole dealt with handicapped issues, which was at least a different conflict. Emily actually had some research put it into it, so it's too bad it panned out so shallowly. Stephanie is a stupid book which should DIE!

But Kirsten marrying milquetoast Rexburg boy enraged me sooooo much. And the honeymoon scene is so unsexy. Like, what the hell, there is no way she would marry that dude.

He is one physics professor who should have stuck to physics. I'm not even Mormon anymore (apostate!), but I enjoyed the . . . the Mormon humorist who always sets his works in small towns. Baptists at our Barbeque, I believe?

Twilight is still worse, though. Through Weyland's squeamishness about sex, is at least a glimmer of normal sexuality. Meyer somehow created a world of endless dry-humping, sparkling beautifully, and stilted dialogue. Hmm, I think I should have a showdown!