my husband makes my lunch

Every weekday morning. Go ahead, judge me. I will provide you with a judging space.


Am I capable of making my own lunch? Yes. Do I ever make his lunch? Maybe once. But it's something he does, and I do other things. Isn't it weird how I do other things, but still feel like our arrangement is pretty equal? (snark.)

Today, my husband made me a sandwich, loaded with pickles. Now see, he does this because I love pickles. They are delicious. But I hate them on sandwiches. Hate, loathe. I've expressed this, but it is to no avail. He always throws pickles on my sandwich, thinking I love them (which I do, but not on a sandwich.) I take them off, eat them separately, and remind him casually that pickles on sandwiches are gross.

"But you LOVE pickles!"

"Not on sandwiches."

"Oh, okay."

Then he puts more pickles on the next time he makes me a sandwich.

This is probably mundane and boring to you, but I find this little miscommunication hilarious and endearing. It's been going on for about two years now, and I like to think that in 50 years my husband will still make me a sandwich with pickles.

Consistency is nice, even gross consistency.

In other news, I just finished a mildly ineffective 3 week unit on 12 Angry Men. I taught it earlier this year for another class, with much success, so it bummed me out that it didn't go as well this time around. I think it had something to do with the fact that the first time I taught it to one class of 22 students, and this time I taught it to 214 students in six classes. Turns out teaching is not like baking. You can't just multiply the recipe for a larger batch. That's fine, I don't bake or make my own lunches. Lesson learned.

And now, I feel as though this post needs a list. So here you go, a list of things I think when I see my students, but do not say.

1. You are not a person who should wear skinny pants.
2. Your girlfriend is controlling.
3. I know you STILL cheat on all your assignments. I just fail you. No reason to make a big deal.
4. Your behavior problems don't stem from ADD, they stem from your parents telling you that you aren't responsible for your own behavior.
5. I have ADD. How is I can manage to behave (mostly) appropriately, and you can't?
6. Please bathe.
7. Wearing your pants that low makes your legs look tiny and like toothpicks.
8. I know I should be happy you are reading, but there is so much more to literature than Twilight.
9. For future reference: I would like a diet coke, with lots of ice, and a lime. Commit this to your memory, it will be relevant to your future career.
10. You will regret that promise ring.
11. You are my favorite student, and I hope I have a kid just like you. ( Okay, I may say the first part of that one....)


NIKOL said...

I feel the same way about pickles. I ADORE pickles. But not on a sandwich. Unless it's a burger. I'm okay with pickles on burgers.

Genavee said...

The pickle paradox is adorable and hilarious. I love pickles in all their uses, but the accidental sandwich pickles are so cute that I'll accept your segregationist pickle tendencies.

Melinda said...

In regards to item 7 I realized today that the boys who wear their pants low remind me of Tim Conway doing the "Dorf" character. You may be too young to get the reference, but you should check it out. I swear they're all "Dorfs."

Jessica said...

Here are a few of my unspoken thoughts:

"How have you survived 10 years of school when you are dumb as a stick?"

"Do you really think that holding the cell phone under your desk will prevent me from noticing you texting through my entire class?"

"You're much more pleasant when you're asleep. Maybe I'll start bringing you a pillow and you can go curl up in the corner so I don't have to deal with your obnoxious behavior."

Then there are all those things that probably should remain unspoken, but don't. For instance, a student in my 7th period today asked me how my day was going, and I said, "It was great until you guys showed up." Yeah, not one of my finer moments.

AzĂșcar said...

My husband has this same list.

Except for the skinny pants, because he doesn't see fashion crises.

The Boob Nazi said...

Twilight is the OOOONLYYYYYYY book series out there! HELLO?!?!?!?!

~j. said...

I love this post for so many reasons. None of which I can name right now because my brain is currently broken.

{Erica} said...

you confessed being a lurker so I shall confess as well :)

Your blog entertains me. I like it.

Mrs. Clark said...

I don't like cheese on sandwiches, or hot dogs. After 29 years of marriage, my hub STILL offers it to me. I have quit telling him, "I've told you a million times I don't like cheese on hot dogs," but I have given that up because he thinks that's nagging. I just remove the cheese now. And no, the miscommunication isn't cute. I just feel like he doesn't care enough to listen.

Sorry. That was pretty whiny and complainy. I'm not in a good place today...

The Margin Wight said...

The best line in this post: "Turns out teaching is not like baking." I would say that all the nation's C&I departments need to have that engraved on their litte pin heads. Every class has a new dynamic, every moment has its own inspiration. Good teachers have a bag of tricks and skills and go into the ring ready to rumble. You seem like you've got some fight in you, so I bet you're a good teacher.