she thinks she's cooler than me

Hello, internets.

I feel like I've been a crap blogger lately. Where are my pointless stories? Where is my gentle mockery of Ye Old Republican Party? Where are my endless photos of myself doing the exact same thing? Oh wait. Well, I guess you are not missing out there, internets.

Anyway, Here's some stuff I've been up to, none of which is particularly exciting, but if you haven't learned to keep your expectations low by now, gentle reader, then I fear there is nothing I can do for you.

1. Memorial Day. I know. Barbeques, right? El Wrongo. On Memorial Day my Grandpa takes all his children and grandchildren to the Little America Breakfast Buffet. An opportunity to consume 3,000 calories in one sitting? This holiday just became more awesome than Christmas. (Binge eating is a sacred experience in my family,) In case you were wondering, yes, I did wake up at 6:30 on Memorial Day to listen to Jillian Michaels yell at me while I struggled through my lunges. Just to ensure maximum binge capacity. I'd say I represent everything wrong with America: exercising before binging, but I'm still not a Republican. Plus I recycle.

2. The Hour I First Believed. Everyone and their book club suggested this book to me, so I finally picked it up, and frankly, I'm offended. Everyone thinks I like crap rambling depressing writing? Really Guys? If you've read this book, and really liked it, will you email me and tell me why? You might want to include your paper in the form of an attachment. Remember, size 12 font, double spaced, due whenever you are bored. But seriously. I hate Wally Lamb and I hate all of his annoying characters, and, after I decided to quit the book, I looked up reviews to make sure I wasn't alone. I feel like THIS review adequately sums up feelings. Especially the part about not being able to have your satire and eat it too.

I actually read the first half of this book yesterday (all 450 pages,) and by the end, I was so angry and depressed that I yelled at one of my cats.

You heard me. Cats. As in multiple. Somehow, I allowed not one, but two six week old kittens into my home. You can read more about how I feel about animals HERE (spoiler: UNFAVORABLY) and yet somehow here we are. I don't really want to talk about it. Also, I am going to include a photo of them, but rest assured that it will probably be the first and last photo of them. Why? Because I hate to break it to you, but pet entries are boring. And I always skim through them when people (even my friends,) post them.

But my blog is my journal, right? Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Anyway. Here is Ivan (brownish cat) and Sweet Pea (yellowish cat.)

They enjoy fighting each other while snuggling into my shoes.

The End.


Alisha said...

I have never read that book, but the other two he wrote are my absolute favorite books ever! Sorry you hated it and screamed at your cats...

Carley A. T. said...

I bet you ten bucks there will be more pictures of the kittens.

They are so damned entertaining.

AzĂșcar said...

I feel like I kind of had to read Wally Lamb in the 90s, like it was a thing I had to go through, like being into grunge, or heavy shoes.

Sharon said...

Don't deny the power of kittens. I'm with Carley: we'll see more of the cats.

Melinda said...

I'm catching up on your blog - thus the belated post.

I don't know if I hate Wally Lamb, but I can say that I can't stand writers who create characters without any redemptive qualities. The last book I read by him - This Much I Know is True (?) depressed me so much I didn't even glance at his newest novel.