sunday evening confessional

Alternate Title: Sometimes I wish I was Catholic, because confessional seems awesome, and very therapeutic.*

1. Our kittens are freaking adorable, but I still maintain that becoming a pet blogger would be an unpardonable sin against humanity. Fact: I once unsubscribed from a blog because the couple got a pet and spent a month referring to it as "their baby" and having the pet guest post and talk to "mom and dad." I know. Harsh.

2. No matter what, Dan and I will always be approximately 5-10 minutes late for church. Regardless of what time it meets. Right now we have the coveted 11-2 time, and we still run late. I have some amount of guilt about this. Like if 10 is how guilty I feel when engaging in stupid e-feuds, and 1 is how I feel about my diet coke habit, I'm probably about a 3 on the Church thing. And now I'm shame spiraling for not feeling guiltier about the church thing (late for church should be at least a 4) AND the diet coke thing. Would you still read my blog if it was called Catholic Child Bride?

3. Can we talk about something that gives me irrational amounts of rage? Truly irrational. (In the sense that the punishment does not fit the crime, I still maintain that a lot of things that bug me really are that offensive. Anyway.) Dude hipsters that wear too tight clothing make me want to stab people with mechanical pencils. There are several things that annoy me about the dude hipster phenomenon:

Dude hipsters tend to be thin, (like listening to the shins, eating is sooo mainstream,) but also sort of unfit (can't get sweat on my vintage prada loafers,) so they have that little pooch belly. Pooch bellies are not a crime, but when you wear those tight little boy pants that are too short, and your old man suspenders and your snug plaid button down.....I just really wish you would fall into a pit. And, yes, I know this is unfair,because for a group of men who probably always have wedgies, most of them seem pretty nice. I still wish to inflict pain.

4. Did I tell you I'm a Laurel Advisor in my ward? I am. And we are going to camp in a few weeks, and we might not have running water. Someone may or may not be getting very ill just before camp. I'm a lot of things, and I don't necessarily need to shower (Heaven knows I rarely showered in Europe, and I had running water,) but I do need to be able to flush.

Judging space_____________________________________________________

*In retrospect, Mormons do sort of have confessional. Like you can go talk to your bishop, if you want. But to my understanding, Bishop confessions are more for sexually active teenagers and not for wanting to stab male hipsters, but I could be wrong.

How many Hail Marys do I need to say now?


Nookleerman said...

As a former Catholic, I can assure you that you've got it better. I sat here for a while trying to continue on with that thought, but everything I thought of came out bashing the Catholic church, so I'll just stop there. Just trust me, confession ain't all it's cracked up to be.

jnyfritz said...

but with the confessions comes catholic guilt-something i was lucky enough to be born with and when i found myself quietly agreeing with your idea of causing pain to the too-tight-pant-wearing-hipster-dudes, i suddenly felt guilty about wanting to reach for my mechanical pencil...just saying!

The Boob Nazi said...

I loved everything about this post.

Please shoot me if I ever do that about my pet.

Church is one of the only places I'm EVER late when I go.

CaitStClair said...

Have I told you how much I love The Judging Space? Fan-freaking-tastic.

Oh, and I probably would have unsubcribed from the pet blog too. I drives me nuts when people write all sappy and sentimental from the animal's point of view.
There's a rescue association's blog I subscribe to and on the occasion they post something like that I nearly delete them every single time.
Writing about your pet is fine - especially if it's things like hilarious accounts of them so enthusiastically chasing rubber bands they run into the wall - but there is a definite line that should not be crossed.

Ru said...

If it helps, when I was in YW, several of the leaders would ditch us to go sleep in hotel rooms and shower. The justification was that when we were YW leaders, we could do the same thing.

I don't remember being particularly bitter about the unfairness of it, so maybe you could to that?

I'll light a candle for ya. (I've always kind of wanted to be Catholic, too.)

Me said...

I'm Catholic and I find confession stressful beyond belief. But maybe that means I'm just a bad Catholic, which is very possible:)

Kate said...

I'm a musician in the NYC area and I completely understand the hipster hatred. I've actually told people that I would start going to gigs again when they stopped wearing tight pants.

I don't think I have more guilt than the average Coke-drinker, but I AM Catholic and I DO go to confession. Regularly. Mostly because of the mean things I say to hipsters.

Steven and Wendy OBryant said...

I'm the Laurel advisor in my ward also - and I've dodged came TWO YEARS IN A ROW! Awesome. I'd go if I wasn't at home fulfilling my real calling in life... motherhood. HA! Just kidding - that comment is in reference to your other post. What's with no cell phones at Girls Camp? And no Diet Coke? (I know you'll be sneaking in DC.) They're hardcore in my ward. I don't ever remember it being that crazy when I went to camp. I even brought my own tent one year with my own inflatable mattress because I didn't think the tents they provided were sufficient. Hmmm - pretty sure I was the stake camp directors worst nightmare.