"We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glow-worm."
Did they also ask you what your calling is, and how much money you make?
This post brought me out of lurk-dom because I couldn't NOT comment on it.I *did* struggle with infertility, and after we had been married for about a year, one well-meaning(?) woman in the ward told me it might have to do with my choice of semi-active spouse. (As in, "Maybe Heavenly Father is trying to tell you that you married the wrong man, and He will withhold children from you until you find the right one.")At that point in our marriage, I was 21.Love your blog! :)
I always think people are going to think I'm a lesbian because I'm single.
Wow. So, someone did hear and internalize the "there could be a lot of reasons why people aren't having kids" lessons. They just missed the "and that's why it's none of your business and you just shouldn't ask" part. That is awesome.Baby steps, I suppose . . .
My husband and I don't live in Utah anymore, but whenever we visit and people ask if "we're pregnant" or if we're trying I tell them "Well we just tried in the [insert inappropriate location like 'church parking lot,' 'your bathroom,' 'the backseat of the car on the way over']. We'll let you know in a few weeks if it sticks."Strangely enough, we haven't had many repeat offenders. Also: @BoobNazi - some lady in my parent's ward told them they thought my sister was a lesbian because she had short hair. I love Utah.
Yeah, we were married for three (gasp!) years before we had kids.One co-worker told me to my face that I was "selfish." Well, what was more selfish: have a kid and turn him over to a babysitter because my husband was in school and I had to work (I already had my degree), just because I was worried about my own salvation? Or wait until I could care for my child myself?The best was when I was in Utah Valley Hospital after having given birth. My roommate was 28 and having #3. I was 26 and having #1. I overheard her whisper to her husband, "She's 26 and having her FIRST BABY!" When I got to the east coast 6 months later, the pediatrician's nurse asked me how old I was. When I said 26, she crowed, "Oh! A young mother!"It's the culture, Steph. Just smile brightly and say, "Why do you ask?" when someone is rude. It stops 'em in their tracks.
I have a daughter who cannot have children. I'm hoping (and praying) that when someone asks her why she isn't expecting yet she comes up with the right response to make them feel like a total piece of crap.
Those people just piss me off. And what if you were having problems? Is that supposed to make you feel better talking about it to some random person?
After a few years, they'll just assume that you don't want kids and therefore are the spawn of Satan. The day that they stop talking to you all together is a great day to look forward to.PS-When people do ask, respond by asking them an uber personal & inappropriate question, like how their bedroom life is. That's usually a big turn off and they'll leave you alone forever.
that is the reason my brother quit talking to a lot of our extended family. they were having problems and people were really rude about it. *sigh*
like i mentioned in your previous post, people need to mind their own damn business.does it deserve a reaction..yes, a loud laugh. i'm nearing 28 and i have been married for 4 years. we live downtown chicago and like working and not having kids.the lds culture is very convoluted when it comes to this topic. yes, most lds girls get married young and start popping out babies right away. this is not doctrine, it's mormon culture.
I have a friend (who is 21) whose mother in law is convinced she isn't doing it right.
May I give you La Yen's and my favorite response during our long years of (real) infertility? "My inside is a rocky place where his seed can find no purchase."
Seriously?! *sigh* Sometimes I forget the extent of MustHaveBabiesRightAway!!! That's craziness. And here I'm going to be moving to a mere 20 miles from the Utah border. I wonder if any disbelief at my 27-year-old-married-and-actively-preventing self will creep over?Oh, and Kristen? Best answer ever. Thank you. :-) Though I've had good luck with just laughing at them and saying not for a few more years. Hopefully no one gets obnoxious enough that I need to up the ante.
I was 28 with my first kid. When people asked me if we were trying, I would look them straight in the eye and ask in the sweetest voice possible, "Do you understand what you're really asking me?"Then I'd hold their gaze until they blushed or looked away. Rarely do I have repeat offenders.My holy crap moment was when I was signing our tax papers at the accountant's and he told me that we had better get on that second child if I wanted a tax credit for next year. I looked at him and almost smacked him since I hadn't slept for a week or something. Then, I told him that if we were going to come back he would NEVER make a comment like that again.
When someone asked me that I responded that we were trying extra hard just for them. No smile. It was awkward and awesome.
OK, I'm sorry but that really is so very Mormon!
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