I...previously thought? That people.....who speak? In....church....in a weird...cadence? And an unusually high.....pitched....form of....questioning?
Needed to be shot.
But now, my dear brothers and sisters, after hearing several Mormons speak, as if they were our beloved prophet or perhaps a favored general authority, I am reminded of the stories of my grandparents, told to me in my youth. It was all right then, as they were my grandparents, and were not trying to appear holier than they were. But now, dear friends, when a return missionary attempts to use a moderately funny anecdote in order to teach a treasured gospel lesson, and speaks in language uncommon for people under age 65, I realize in my heart, that I find insincere religious pandering, far, far, more offensive (and worthy of a firing squad,) than the magical ability to treat each spoken statement as a gerund. A beloved, special, and holy gerund.
Extra bullets if he or she was born after 1989 and uses phrases common in 1949. That just sounds particularly insincere.
That is all.