(I do not understand.)*
1. I'm watching What Not to Wear and the lady they are making over is being a biyotch. I'm not exaggerating. I do not understand. If you don't want to give up your lingerie-as-outerwear wardrobe, do not take the $ 5,000.
2. I went to Joanns today (Can you tell I'm out of school for Christmas break? Crafting and Reality TV? Yes, please,) and witnessed what I can only describe as a white trash verbal beatdown. Can I say something elitist and rude? Of course I can, you can choose to unsubscribe if you don't like it:
There is nothing more depressing than two morbidly overweight sweat-pants clad Terrys (My name for people who have no features to help distinguish their gender,) fighting over who got in line in front of who at a craft warehouse store that is only one small step above Walmart.
Terry 1 "I got here first!"
Terry 2 "You did not!"
Terry 1 "If you think that, you live in an alternate reality!"
Terry 2 "It's always people like you who think they are the exception to the rules!"**
Terry 1 then started asking for audience participation from fellow line standers. Terry 1 turns to me and asks "Who got here first?!?"
He/She was very distressed when I said "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
You know why? Because I wasn't. I'm an anti-social borderline Aspergers person who was too busy being horrified by humanity to notice who actually got where first. I'm also too smart to get involved in the drama by indicating a winner. The last thing I want is Terry 1 telling me I live in an alternate universe.
Back to the point: I do not understand the need for conflict. We all have to wait in line. Terry 1 will wait 5 minutes longer. Either way, in 20 minutes, none of this will matter. Likewise, I do not understand people who claim drama ends in high school. No it doesn't. People just get fatter and more ghetto.
3. By now, biyotchy What Not to Wear girl has calmed down. I do not understand why it took her 30 minutes to do that, but whatever. She has good shoes now.
If there is something you do not understand, you can say so in the comments.
Or you could help me come up with more gender neutral names to label people who are so fat you cannot tell what gender they are. I can think of nothing that would elicit Christmas spirit more.
* I took German in 9th Grade.
** Um, Terry 2, people like who? You are both in need of a shower, are both wearing sweatshirts with wolves/kittens on them, and are wearing Crocs outside of the garden. What, in your opinion, distinguishes you from Terry 1?