Like college only I have a slower metabolism

When I started Grad School, my professors were always talking about providing "timely and meaningful feedback" for students. So they would probably frown on the fact that I have papers here dated from November 30th. (Wait, Wait, Professor McStandardyson, I've been out of school since December 17th, is 2.5 weeks still considered timely?)

Anyway, I promised myself I would get them all graded over the break, and I had very good intentions. But first I had very important things to do, like debate the merits of picking up Ghost Whisperer* into my T.V. routine, or if I instead should focus on more important things, like Mike and Molly.**

Fortunately, my guilt/anxiety complex kicked in shortly after Christmas, and I got all organized and ready to start a massive grading marathon. Unfortunately, every time I tried to log onto Skyward, (my school's online grading system,) I was foiled. The system was down! The system was down!

Now, could I have gone old school and grade everything by hand and enter it in later, but that seems like a waste of time. Like doing the job twice. Well, maybe 1.5 times. I don't have that kind of time. Not with two weeks off for Christmas break, and Jennifer Love Hewitt's*** surgically altered pouty lips solving mysteries.

Last night, however, I decided to try logging on around midnight, just for fun. Miracle! Apparently Skyward is up from about Midnight to 5 a.m.

Are you getting what I'm putting down? That's right. I've been pulling all nighters. Just like college. For those of you who want to play along, or are so old and senile to remember what college is like, here is a recipe for an all nighter:

1.Caffeine. Tons of Caffeine. Hide the evidence later.

2. Mac N Cheese. In college, when your metabolism was that of a jack rabbit, you could eat a whole box in one sitting. If you do that now, you'll feel really bad about yourself. Best to spread the box over the course 5 hours. If you get snacky in between sessions chocolate is always a good idea.

3. When eating 3,000 calories worth of chocolate makes you incapable of grading one more paper on Modern Rhetoric, bundle up and take a walk. Ignore any inner naysayers that tell you that walking around in a snow storm in the dark at 3:00 am is weird. Also, try walking in the middle of usually busy streets. It will make you feel powerful. Powerful enough to stay up until Skyward crashes at dawn.

4. Gilmore Girls on DVD, perfect grading background noise, and when you feel weary, remind yourself how Rory Gilmore would never quit grading before the job was done. Then again, Rory didn't go to a State School and become a public servant. Damn you, Gilmore. Damn you and your perfect hair and high standardized test scores.

5. Log on to your Gmail account frequently to see if anyone is around to chat. Bemoan the fact that college really is over, and all your friends are now adults and not randomly online at all hours of the night. This also impedes on finding a companion for greasy food runs, which is probably for the best.

6. Ignore your Spouse when he accuses you of having a Peter Pan Complex. Remind him that it is his fault you have any interest Ghost Whisperer in the first place.

Did I miss anything?


**I will name my firstborn child after the person who can guess what piqued my interest in Mike and Molly. I'm sort of serious. I'm terrible at picking out names. Contest excluded to people named after Book of Mormon characters, or have weird spellings of normal names.

***I refuse to confirm the spelling on her last name.


AzĂșcar said...

You like Mike and Molly because Molly is Sookie from Gilmore Girls.

Stephanie said...

I'm so predictable I can't even handle it.

So am I going with Carina, Jet Set, or Azucar? I'd have to learn how to type accents.

Dustin and Whit said...

it actually sounds alot like being up with a newborn nursing all night! Lots of Bachelor, midnight Wendys runs, books on tape (because I am too lazy/tired to actually read), and caffeine. Good times.

bug said...

That's why I watch Mike and Molly!!

Michemily said...

Since I've been having stomach issues, I have to eat all the time. I figure as long as I still like chocolate and there's lots of it laying around, I may as well eat that. Yum. I've never felt like it kept me awake, though. :)

amanda said...

Well I was going to say that what peaked your interest in Mike and Molly was when a writer for Marie Claire magazine said that the thought of the "fatties" on that show being intimate made her physically ill.

What a turd. But that's when I first heard of the show so at least it's some publicity for them.

SO do you also watch Parenthood because Lorelai Gilmore is in it? I LOVE that show.

Brooke said...

I feel the exact same way about Rory. I pulled a few all nighters this week trying to work on an assignment that's due on Monday when school starts again -- I refused to work on it during the day because it's supposed to be Christmas break. I can't believe how much harder staying up all night is at 25 instead of 18!

Spencer S. said...

The only time I pull all nighters is when I am called into PCMC because some dumb teenager swallows a push pin.

BTW, since you told me I was one of the probably 2 men that read your blog, I felt a comment was necessary. Huzzah!

Drees009 said...

You promised to name your first born child after my spouse for convincing Spouseman to go to Sonic at midnight 2.5 years ago. Are you renegging on that commitment?

Lena said...

ebonI wish I had read this earlier, I totally would have won the contest. I hope you still consider me as a name-sake. Even for a boy.

Stephanie said...

um azucar, how do you feel about second born....