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1/13/11

inevitably, this will have people convinced that i hate them. i don't.

I'd like to discuss SAHMs, and a thing that they do that bugs me. No, it isn't staying at home with their kids. Frankly, so long as you aren't abusing them I don't care how child-care goes down in your home. To each their own.*

I do hate it though, when SAHMs go to great lengths to explain why they aren't doing something else. Especially when it sounds accidentally smug. Accidental smugness happens when you say something about yourself in a nice way while simultaneously insulting everyone else. **

For instance, the oft-said:

"I decided to make my young children my priority."

Um, as opposed to working moms who work in order to support their families? Since when was making sure your kid had food a bad priority? Or piano lessons?

Or:


"I want to be there for all my baby's firsts!"


Well, so does the rest of the world, so see previous paragraphs. The other thing that bugs me about this is the illogical conclusion that good, devoted, SAHMs spend every moment with their kid, gazing longingly into their eyes, and engaging in meaningful interaction. * Not so.


There is always going to be something that takes you away from your kid. Some people just get paid for their thing. If you don't that is totally cool, just own it.



Look, I understand (as much as a childless person can,) that SAHMs are under- appreciated, and it is hard work, and important work. But life is hard, and important, and the way to get me to appreciate you more isn't to tell me my (future, as not pregnant,) priorities are out of whack should I choose to work it up and Mom it up at the same time.


Lets all just make a promise that no matter what we do, we just admit it. I'm a SAHM because I wanted to, and I could. I'm a working mom because I wanted to and I could. I'm an overly opinionated blogger who will inevitably get misunderstood for this post, but I wanted to post it, and I can.







The end.
















*Dude, one of the biggest "God wants you to stay home" proponents I (e) know openly acknowledges spending eleventy million hours a day online. I'd rather get paid.


**SAHMs, if this post really bugs you, feel free to express how annoyed you feel when people tell you they could never do your job, because the need more external validation because they have such huge brains, or whatever. I'm sure being accidentally smugged (they are essentially saying you're too stupid to realize you're bored,) sucks just as bad.

37 comments:

Stephanie said...

I stumbled across your blog a while ago, and I really love this post. The other thing that bothers me about the entire SAHM mantra is the idea that there is some sort of black and white distinction between a SAHM and a career woman. But if a woman spends 20 hours a week crafting for her Etsy shop, teaching aerobic/dance classes, or facebooking, is she really a more devoted mother than some of the law professor women I know who spend 10 hours on campus and do the rest of their work from home after kids are in bed? I think it's a silly distinction, and instead women of the church should just stand up for prioritizing their families, HOWEVER that works best for them, rather than justify their lifestyle and prove that its most righteous.

Thanks for sharing!

If you ever want to check out my blog that other friends contribute to, its empoweringldswomen.blogspot.com

Lindsey said...

Well said. The tension between SAHM's and Working mom's gets old.

"Frankly, so long as you aren't abusing them I don't care how child-care goes down in your home. To each their own."

To this I say: (If you ever do have kids...) Frankly, so long as you don't expect ME to be your child-care while YOU work.

Because, the #1 annoyance of being a SAHM is this illusion that working mom's have that I want to watch their kids because I don't have anything better to do since I am watching my own kids anyway.

First, my kids are fun, and their boogers don't bug me. (Not the case of any other kids). Second, being a SAHM means I can play dress-up with my kids for a while and then go do some self-fulling activity while they nap. I do this all on my own schedule. I don't want someone else's kids showing up and making me have to baby-sit.
This is especially frustrating as a SAHM MORMON mom. If I visit teach you, that doesn't mean I should have to raise your kids. If your kid is in my primary class, that doesn't mean I should have to raise your kids. If you live on my street...you get the drift.

Becky said...

When my little guy was born I was grateful I could switch to part time. Not cause the money was great (barely covered daycare & taxes & insurance) but because I could get out and not lose my mind. When we moved I "got" to stay home but some days - like today, I get bored out of my mind (not that toddler activities aren't amazingly fun or time consuming). Just saying...

Anna said...

AMEN! (it's quite the touchy subject - I'm sure you'll get lots of opinionated comments!) I am a full-time mom that works full-time, which is impossible according to my mother who believes you can't be a "real" mom if you work.

I occasionally feel the need to defend myself when I tell SAHMs that I work full-time and they give me those answers. (How do you nicely respond to someone who just basically told you that you must not really love your kids if you work?) I just try my very best not to be offended by their comments and try to give my explanation for being a working mom in the most honest and respectful way possible.

Whichever side you are on, I think it's best to try not to judge the other person for their choice, regardless of their judgmental or defensive explanation. We can still be friends, right?

Nicole said...

You already said the thing I was going to say (the accidentally smug thing about SAHM's not needing external validation).

Katrina said...

"accidentally smug" is an awesome descriptor. we've probably all done it at some point. here's to being non-judgmental!

amanda said...

THANK you for posting this. I work and leave my baby with various people throughout the week. I work hard so my husband can go to school and we can all eat.

It's so hard to miss "firsts" but I still get a lot of quality time with my baby and it just makes weekends with her all the better.

When I first went back to work, I felt like I had to defend myself to certain people. But you know what? I enjoy my time at work and I'm so grateful that I can help support my family.

Thanks for your articulate ability to consistently describe exactly what I'm thinking. 90 percent of the time I read your blog I'm like, "I know!"

Ru said...

Oh sweet mother of mercy, YES. Why, of all life choices, do SAHMs feel the need to justify what they do?

Do students, cops, dental hygienists, secretaries etc. feel the need to say, "I love homework/catching bad guys/spit/filing!" when they tell people what they do? No. It's "I'm a lawyer," the end. The conversation would get real boring if we kept going.

I remember one YW leader telling me how inferior other women would make her feel when she would accompany her husband to company events when they were first married, and even at the time I was confused as to why that would be. Not to pull out the "You choose to be offended" card, but I really do think the vast majority of people already respect the SAHM decision. If you feel inferior, it's probably you projecting something onto someone who doesn't feel superior at all.

And final tangent: all the facebook statuses about, "I am a cook, laundress, child psychologist, maid, teacher, EMT, spiritual adviser - I AM A MOMMY! Re-post if you're a Mommy, muah!" MUST STOP. Aside from the fact that the word "mommy" makes me retch a little, SERIOUSLY. What prompted this bizarre display of, "I'm important too!"? No one ever said otherwise. (And, not to be a total nitpicker, but you aren't a child psychologist. If your kid were to have actual psychological problems, you would discover that real quick.)

End rant.

(Sorry for the super long comment.)

Stephanette said...

I'm gonna amen Lindsey. I don't want to run a daycare. You're kid's poop DOES kinda gross me out. If you call to drop off your kid in fifteen minutes because I obviously sit around eating bon-bons, I'm gonna expect the going rate at the drop off daycare center here in town {unless you have a REALLY good reason or you catch me on a day when I'm a complete pushover or you bring me a Dr. Peper with the good ice}.

I get tired of having to explain to people that just because I'm a SAHM and I did choose to be a SAHM, doesn't mean that every moment with my child is a blessed moment. There are moments that he drives me up a wall, makes me want to cry with frustration, or toss him to his dad on my way out to get a Dr. Pepper and find my cool. In the middle of all that, there are some great moments and I love it. Just like every other job I've had at one time or another.

My only other gripe is hearing every once in awhile about how it's a good thing that I or some other SAHM are SAHMs because we couldn't handle being a Mom and an employee. This comment is usually after someone has dropped by because I'm home ALL day and my house should be spotless ALL DAY LONG - after all what else do I have to do? Or after I've been up all night for three nights in a row without a minute for myself and have to teach Sunday School.

In my mind, we all do what we need to do to benefit our family in the best way. For me and my personality, issues, and baggage staying at home was the answer. For my sister and her etc. it was great for her to work. I'm okay with that.

Hopefully I missed the accidentally smug sounding soap box, but if I didn't - I'll apologize now!

Hillary said...

Amen. I have no idea what I'll do if/when we have kids. I'm sure it will largely depend on what our financial situation is at the time and where I am in my career. I do know for sure that it will be no one else's business besides mine and my spouse's.

As a late 20's woman working on her career, I hate that everyone assumes I hate children and obviously will die barren. Oh, and it definitely made me laugh when I was dating my husband, and getting ready to go to law school. His brother looked at me like I had 5 heads and asked, "Why would you go to law school? Don't you want to be a mom?" I told him I had no idea the two were mutually exclusive, as I was under the impression educating myself would make me a better wife, mom, and overall useful member of society.

Liv said...

i kind of accidentally became a SAHM. i didn't want to go back to work b/c i hated my job, but i thought i might have to b/c my husband was jobless... FOREVER.

but he got a job so i stayed home. i teach some yoga during the week and get some "me" time there and i love it. i agree that as long as you're not hurting your kids, you can work or stay home or whatever. i hope to work more when this kid (or future kids) are in school, but that's a long way off. for now, it's cool to accidentally get to stay home.

gurrbonzo said...

WHY DO YOU HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE MEEEEEEEEEEE?????/

Colt said...

All I know is that reading friend's, who are SAHMs, facebook statues has convinced me that my wife needs a job. Even if it is only part time and enough to cover the student loans for her grad school. I know far to many SAHM who have totally forgotten how to talk about anything that is not poop, vomit, reality TV, or breast feeding related.

amanda said...

Colt:

I'm a working mom and I still haven't found my ability to talk about anything besides poop, vomit, breastfeeding, and other baby stuff when I'm not at work. haha. ...which is probably why I don't blog a whole lot anymore.

meagan said...

First: Obviously this is a prime example of how the 'world' and the Mormon culture clash. And, as with all tension, there is the need to justify on BOTH sides. Just in the comments above I'm seeing just as much explanation (and dare I say it - judging) from working mothers as I do from the SAHMs you're talking about. Let's recognize that. I work full time and have been living a fabulous life in London for the last 18 months going to grad school. And yet sometimes I have to justify the fact that I have been actively NOT looking to become a wife or a mother because I have things I want to do with MY life before I become a WE.

And yes, I am smug about my life. And it is SO not accidental.

Second: We all have things we see in each other that we hate, and we also see things that we covet. And this makes us catty. And the blogosphere has done more to open us up to catty comments and opportunities to judge than any hellish high school experience ever could. I know I blogstalk people just so I can mock them and feel better about myself. And I'm sure people do the same to me. But I do know one thing: I blog to express myself, and to share my life, and you can bet I'm going to sound as smug as I possibly can. Because I'm proud of my life, and in MY space, I do what I want.

And so the idea of 'accidentally' being smug doesn't fly with me. If I want to share my reasons for what I do, I will. And if you don't want to listen, don't. If I felt the need to edit myself so as not to offend, or come off smug, it would quickly become suffocating. And it would RUIN lifehood (don't worry, just made that up) just as the constant fear of injury and legal action prevents kids these days from being able to take chances like I used to, which is smothering their childhood. You talk about how it doesn't matter who raises kids as long as they aren't hurt. Why then does it matter what people say about it? And if it's accidentally smug - or even purposefully smug - YOU choose whether or not to be offended.

And as you brilliantly blogged not so long ago about Missionary B, it's possible to do that.

meagan said...

Okay, sorry for the earlier rant, but I have one more thing. This post made me think of one I read a few months back:

http://www.mormontimes.com/article/1856/What-you-dont-see

And I think this says it well. We all try to present our best selves and we all inevitably fail at keeping up pretences from time to time. And we can all SO easily see each other's failings.

So I like that you said to just own it. Because let's be honest, we ALL do it.

Stephanie said...

Hi Meagan

I'm not sure I see the commenters above as judging the SAHMS. I think they are just trying to explain a perspective.


And, obviously, I didn't articulate myself as well as I hoped.

It is totally fine and wonderful and awesome to say that you like your life/life choices. But I do believe there is a way to do that without insulting people who made different, or even opposite choices.

For instance, saying to your SAHM friend, "I'm smart! I get to live in London! My life rocks!" Is great, saying "I'm smart! I get to live in London! I can't believe you didn't make the same choice, obviously you have bad priorities!!" is not.

I think everyone, SAHMS, working moms, non-moms, and future moms, could do a lot better if they celebrated themselves without insulting others. "I'm a SAHM! Sometimes it is awesome! Sometimes it is not! I think I made a great choice for me and my family!" No need to say "because I love my children more than you love yours."

Also, the "choose not to be offended" line is a two way street. We are told to choose not to be offended, but we are also taught to be kind. Yes, we should try not to be easily provoked, but we should also try to change our language patterns in the interest of kindness. Saying that a working mom doesn't have good priorities is not kind, even if it validates the SAHM. Thats why I loved Elder B, because he was kind. He wasn't saying what he did to validate himself, or his life choices, or make me feel bad, he did it out of kindness. We may not agree, but we were both kind.

We are capable of being both. Kind, and easily forgiving. Sometimes I think people who just write off hurt feelings by saying "ignore it! don't be offended" aren't solving any problems, but creating more.

We can be more considerate speakers, without ruining lifehood. (I use the phrase "ruiners of joy," also awesome, also made up.



*exclamation points optional.


Thanks for your comment. I know you think I only want to hear from people who say I'm right. That is true. But I also know it is important to have constructive dialogue from people who disagree. I learn more that way.

meagan said...

Steph-

Thanks for your respectful reply and for pointing out weaknesses in my comments where I didn't make myself clear enough either.

I absolutely agree with your points on offending people, and if my first comment hadn't initially been too long to post, I would have expressed a similar view. I would never throw what I consider my immense good fortune (and yes, add in all the exclamation points you want) into the face of someone else in an unkind way (though I believe as a reader chooses to come to a blog, I can say whatever the heck I want there without any apology) but I also refuse to believe I should be completely silent about it.

If you made life choices that were opposite to the ones I made, that's fine. But if one of us then tells the other that discussing our different life choices (or as you say 'trying to explain a perspective') is being smug, then our dialogue dies right there. And that, I believe is a bigger crime than the possibility of causing offense.

Although I can see your point that some SAHMs pointedly comment to validate themselves, and some working mothers do the same, I don't feel that every mention of 'wanting to see their firsts' etc. is a direct attack on your life choices. And that is where I think any offense is TAKEN, not GIVEN.

We should not have to ignore every slight, but neither should we have to constantly edit ourselves around the feeling of others.

As you say, we are different, and those differences teach us things.

Stephanie said...

Meagan (tangent: I'm jealous that Sarah saw you at Cold Stone and I did not,)


I think we secretly agree, just from slightly different perspectives. From what I gather, we both think we should all be able to celebrate our life choices, without being hurtful.

And, I totally agree, we should not have to edit ourselves to the point of removing dialogue. That would be silly and pointless.

It is a fine line, speaking your opinion, and speaking kindly, which I struggle with everyday. Sometimes I sacrifice kindness in the name of humor, and I could work on that, too.

Either way, hurray for e-friends, opinions, babies, London, and rainbows.

AzĂșcar said...

I like to tell people I work so we can have a boat.






(I stoled that from FormerlyPhread.)

Chris said...

I am too busy worrying about my family to be concerned what the SAHM has to say or what the working mom has to say!!! I figure it's like those who talk alot {brag} about themselves and flaunt whatever their position maybe.......they have something to cover up or hide so they have to put others down or force their opinion on others!! Take pride in YOUR choice, and don't really give a rats ass about what other think!!! None of us know what extinuating circumstances each of us has and I am sure some would be very sorry for some of the things we have said in the harsh judgements on either side of the story!!! I have know some working moms who it has been very tough to go out into the work force but has needed to due to financial reasons and I have known some SAHM who loathe being home with their kids and dream of a rewarding career!! Doesn't matter how I feel about either of those situations....it's their life!! I do not judge!!! I do know how hard it is when someone does say something but maybe just shut 'em down once, example ~ "Opinions are like feet....everyone's got a couple and they usually stink" {and that's the nice version} and they will spread it around fast enough how brazen you were {remember they like to do that stuff} and no one should bother ya again!!! I'm not in high school and I don't have to "fit in" anymore!!! And really this whole discussion can be brought down to a high school level.....who's popular and who's not!!! WHO REALLY CARES!!!! We all just need to love one another!!! Support one another!!! And remember, we are all trying to do the best we can, with what we know, and the resources we have to do it!!! This will be an age old argument and will last through the end of time!!!! It's really tiring to be trying to make it work with whatever situation you're in and being worried about what Mary, Susie, Betty, and Joy are doing really only adds to the exhaustion for all of us!!! Even when we have to hear about it! So ladies...."WORK and Carry On" or SAH and Carry On" or "Do Whatever The Hell Ya Want and Carry On"!!! I wish you the best!!!

Kate Challis said...

I honestly think you are mostly seeing something that isn't there. I also think you should give the SAHMs a break and allow them to talk about how they enjoy SAHMing freely. Most of the SAHMs that I know who are "accidentally smug" as you say are actually just happy with the choice they made, not looking down on others for the choices THEY make.

I mean, clearly there IS an important reason why I chose to stay home. Maybe I'm reading you wrong, but it seems you're saying that I'm not allowed to talk about how I figured out that staying home would be the best choice for my family because it will come across as me judging you for working (I mean, hypothetically you, in the future).

I can't make your decisions. I don't have your life. My sharing the thought-process behind my decisions does not mean I am trying to coerce you into doing something you don't want to. But I really think there are some valid and some not so valid reasons to work while your kids are young (be it at home or not, which was an interesting point). But since I chose the SAHM side, I'm not even allowed into the conversation?

Just be careful that you don't impose an "accidentally smug" label on people who genuinely want to share their happiness.

Now the people who are on-purposely-smug, those we can all roll our eyes at and hope they get a reality check sometime soon.

Stephanie said...

@Kate

I was talking about this with Meagan (previous commenter,) and I think there is a big difference between sharing your decision making process/celebrating life choice, and being accidentally smug.

For instance, saying "I love being a SAHM, because it allows me to do _________, and because it worked out best for me in __________ situation," is totally reasonable.

Saying, "I love being a SAHM because my kids are my priority" implies that working Moms don't prioritize their kids. That simply isn't true.

Likewise, I'm sure every SAHM is sick of hearing how everyone else could "never be a SAHM, I'd get so bored!" Don't want to be a SAHM? Don't do it, but don't insult everyone who made a different choice.

I'm not saying you can't explain your reasoning/join in the conversation, I'm saying that you (hypothetical you,) CAN do it in a more sensitive, and kind way.



I never understand the argument (not that you are making it, but in general,) that you can't "join in the conversation" if that means being kind.

Mrs. Clark said...

As a former SAHM (my kids are grown) I can attest that this controversy is not new.

My mom worked. I intended to work, but once I had my first baby, no way was I turning him over to someone else. And I hated going to the babysitter when I was a kid. It totally sucked. So I stayed at home. And I loved it, though it had its crummy aspects, including not being able to buy a lot of stuff, take amazing vacations, send my kids to private school, or have a retirement account of my own.

Thing is, you never have to justify doing the right thing, whether it's working outside the home or staying at home. And nobody can decide what the right thing is for you except you. Yet, I would like to point out that the authorities of the Church are trying to delicately show women that they need to carefully evaluate their priorities before they choose a worldly reward. The examples I missed out on above really don't matter except in a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses way.

Thanks again, Steph, for the thought-provoking post.

Kate Challis said...

You're probably right, that there is a difference between lording your choice over other people, perhaps even subconsciously (accidentally smug - unless I misunderstand) and coherently explaining why you made it.

And clearly, it's pretty rude for a SAHM to thrust "I want to be there for all my child's firsts" on a non-SAHM, uninvited, when she knows that is something that is important to the other mom. But if somebody asks you about why you wanted to be a SAHM, I think you should totally be able to say things like, "My kids are my number one priority," and "I want to be there for all my child's firsts." They are legitimate statements that do NOT mean, "You work, so your kids are not your number one priority," or "You don't want to be there for all your child's firsts." I think you're projecting a judgment into those comments that isn't necessarily there. You're probably right, that it could be there some of the time, but then these people are not "accidentally smug" at all, they're just "holier-than-thou."

You make it sound like the decision is easy, ("I'm a SAHM because I wanted to and I could, I'm a working mom because I wanted to and I could) and this betrays a lack of understanding. I don't mean to offend you by saying that; it's not fair to expect you to understand since you haven't gone through the whole decision yet. The truth is that every mom makes immeasurable sacrifices. Even if for some women, the choice IS easy, there are still sacrifices made. It's okay to point out some huge, enormous perks of SAHMing (being there for the firsts, getting to raise your own child) while discussing (or blogging) about why you do what you do. I think we agree on that, right?

I'm totally with Mrs. Clark, when she says, "the authorities of the Church are trying to delicately show women that they need to carefully evaluate their priorities before they choose a worldly reward."

It will be interesting to see how you feel about this issue when you are a mom yourself :)

Stephanie said...

@ Kate

I never implied it was easy. The decision is hard, I'm sure.

It is also hard to own your life choices. To simply say "This is who I am and what I do."

No justifications, no rationalizations.

It is human nature to want to justify your life to other people, but when I'm having a hard day, I find it really empowering to say "I'm a teacher, because I want to."

I hope to handle motherhood the same way.

Spencer S. said...

Aww...ladies, ladies, ladies (and a couple guys.) Why don't we all just be SAHM and SAHD and live off the government? Life would be so amazingly bliss. I could watch sports and eat pizza all day. I wouldn't have to job search anymore. We could all experience every first and we would have the same worldly possessions. By so doing, no one would be better than the Joneses because we would all be the Joneses, so to speak. One big happy, boring, society of Joneses. (Sorry for the sarcasm.)

On a side note, I have had a fun time separately myself from homework to read all these insightful comments. A big thanks to all of you for your strong opinions and life choices :)

Kate Challis said...

You are right. It is hard and empowering to own your decisions. I think I agree with you a lot more having discussed this in the comments section.

I believe that the "choosing to make my kids my top priority" reason is ALWAYS at the heart of why people choose to be a SAHM. It only means "and you don't" if you twist my words (or if there's something context-related, like the tone of my voice or what we were talking about before etc). Don't choose to be offended because of the rationale behind my choice. You know that, though.

Good luck with your choice, someday! :)

Stephanie said...

@Kate

Thanks! In retrospect, I don't think I explained my position clearly enough in the original post, I'm glad I had the chance to clarify.

Bekah said...

I'm a sahm that has worked full time for a couple of stints during my kid's short life so far. Doing either is hard. Being a mom is hard. What bothers me is that so many working moms and sahms count themselves as being on opposite sides of some sort of contest. It's bs.
Can't we all just get along? Can person A just stop trying to make person B feel bad because person A thinks her way of doing things is what's best for everyone? And the accidental smugness happens all the time among sahms, too, or you know, outright hostile smugness. It just sucks that so many moms feel like they have to compete with each other to have self validation when they "win".

Stephanie said...

bekah for president

Julie said...

I'll just say: "Amen!" and call my comment good.

Abby said...

I'm sort of late to the party here but need to add my small opinion. I'm happy for women who stay home with their children. I'm happy for anyone who is doing exactly what they want to. However, I hate when they imply that working parents don't put their children first. Actually, they do. They want their kids to have food, clothing, and shelter. Therefore, they get up and go to work everyday.

As a matter of fact, I run a daycare and I know a lot of working moms (I also know a set of gay parents and this whole comment applies to them as well. Gay people can be good parents, too). They love their children. They miss them during the day. They take them home and play with them. They text me during the day requesting updates and photos. They are just as good at parenting as any stay at home mom, which, in many cases, might not be hard. Most of the working moms I know are actually better parents because when they are at home, they aren't sitting at the computer or mindlessly watching television. They aren't relying on psychotropic medication to get them through the day, either.

April said...

This makes me think of that song from "Oklahoma". I think it's called "The Farmer and the Cowman".


"...one of them likes to push a plow
the other likes to chase a cow.
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends..."

We all do what works best for us and our circumstances. "Territory folks should stick together".

Excuse me now. I have to go chase one of my little cows...

desert dispatches said...

Just found the blog, feeling the urge to toss in my two cents worth....I cannot abide the term "SAHM"...I just hate it. I am a kept woman with kids. I will also admit it...it is because I want to and I am able to. I used to be a working girls, which I also loved, and dearly miss. I am really wondering why in 2011 there is still such a bitter divide...it's not just a Mormon thing, either. It's a weird cultural woman thing. I have also found it's not a liberal/conservative thing. One of my most liberal friends is downright radical about staying at home, nursing until 3 or 4 years of age, and cloth diapers. I love her, but...wow. Great post, however anyone looks at it.

Brittany said...

I agree with those who have ascribed to the "let's play nice" ideal. Being as it's an ideal, I don't see it coming to fruition anytime soon, but that's no reason not to make an effort.
As for me, I am quite a feminist, so I know I'll want to work. I just read a book called "The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up too Much?" Basically it espouses the idea that a man is a poor financial plan. Besides the fact that men (as well as women) can up and leave you at the drop of a hat if they choose, they can also get sick, or die and that leaves the woman in a monetary rut. We are told to be prepared so why anyone would rely on another person solely for financial support seems risky. I say this as a child of a stay at home mother. I respect and love her and am grateful for everything she's done for me, but I also worry for her if something should happen to my dad.
As for me personally, I just want the joy of being a part of the working world. In the world but not of it? I won't mince prepositions; my heart wants what it wants. I realize I began by saying we should not judge others; I stick to that. I guess it's just hard for me because I can't believe we as women had to "fight for our right" to get paid to use our skills and abilities in the first place. Now that I'm "allowed" the priviledge, well...
Yet, in spite of it all, I know kids need their mothers and it is a high priority job. So to bring it back to what everyone's said, no choice is simple.

ChristyLove said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

This is not a constructive post, feel free to deny. But it makes me laugh hard and deep when people think you shouldn't have an opinion on a matter because you haven't lived through the deicision-making in such and such situation.

[Whoever] didn't know what they would think beforehand, but that doesn't mean you won't or couldn't.

HAHAHAHA.

HA.

There you go.