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2/21/11

like those moms who lift up semi-trucks.

To anyone who subscribed to my blog for five minutes, only to promptly unsubscribe once they couldn't find my last post: I think you are awesome. That is totally what I would have done. Hooray voyeurism! Hurray internet!


I think I've found a nicer way to say what I meant, but it involves a cheesy and somewhat untenable metaphor. Can you handle this? I don't think you can handle this.


My last post was a really strong reaction to a nasty comment I got on my suffering post. The line that bugged me was this:

"That article could have been written from a completely different viewpoint. People who focus too much on LDS culture do not understand the deep meanings of the gospel."



****************SWEARS AHEAD SWEARS AHEAD********************************


Shit. Damn. Effing mother of pearl. Nothing drives me more nutty than some self-created cretin of an omniscient who gets on the internet to tell me about my understanding of the gospel. Go to hell. Really? You know about my understanding of the gospel? From one blog post you read after your friend sent you the link? Again, damn. I'm jealous of the omniscient.



***************REPENTENCE OF SWEARS REPENTENCE OF SWEARS COMMENCE READING*****************************************


See. This is the nice version of my post.

I took down the mean version because it seemed unfair to post a nasty reaction to one comment when I have had so many wonderful, kind, and supportive ones. I spent a lot of time thinking about why I let one person bug me. One person who doesn't have the decency to write out their name when commenting on my post.


I've decided that my relationship with my faith is a lot like a parent-child relationship. Sometimes, you kid drives you nuts. Sometimes, you are bugged by your kid so you hire a babysitter to watch it for a few hours. Sometimes you make mistakes with your kid.

But it is still your kid. You still created it, you still love it, and your relationship with your kid brings you closer to the father of your child. My faith is a result of my relationship with God. I'll stop the metaphor there before it gets too blasphemous, but I made this little faith-person and grew it inside of me, and I'm naturally protective of it.

There are lots of mommy-bloggers in the world who only tell funny/amusing/stories about their kids. They do this for a myriad of reasons, but I think sometimes they do that because the more sacred parts of parenthood don't belong on the internet.* They tell the story about a blow-out on an airplane. I tell stories about how I used to pray to marry a spiritually average man so I wouldn't be asked to practice polygamy.

Nobody with a will to live tells a mommy-blogger that because she only blogs about poop she doesn't love her kid. Nobody with a smidgen of integrity should tell someone they don't understand "the gospel" because they only share parts of their relationship with God, or the LDS church on the internet.

Like it's mother, my faith is a little bit special-needs. When other faiths reach benchmarks and achievements with ease, my faith struggles. Sometimes my faith won't look me in the eye. It doesn't always play well with other children.

So it doesn't matter how many people look at your kid and love them despite their snotty noses, or their tantrums. You will always defend your kid against the one jerk who tries to make your kid feel small or insignificant. You will resist the people who try and push your special and unique baby darling into a mold. You will fight the people who try and crush their spirit. You do crazy things for the people you love.


Sometimes you even write really angry blog posts.









*Some people write really beautifully about parenthood. But those people would throw off the groove of my post, so they get an asterisk note. Sorry.

27 comments:

Shum Girl said...

I liked the metaphor, it worked.
Now I want to read the post you deleted.

Ru said...

I think the issue is that there are some people who can't stand anything that even remotely seems like a criticism of their conception of "the church." It doesn't matter if it's an opinion, a joke, a personal experience (and therefore not really subject to another person's interpretation) or whatever. Their knee-jerk reaction will always be to turn the conversation into something it wasn't until they are "right" and the original speaker was "wrong." There really isn't any point to trying to reason with this people, which is what makes them so infuriating.

jnyfritz said...

i love the comparison of faith and a child, i find myself struggling with the same issues and you put it to eloquently. thank you!

Katrina said...

i get it. totally. i think you rock.

Charlotte said...

I wish I were brave enough to share my own frustrations on my blog. I just go sit in the corner and eat chocolate until I feel better. Your way is probably healthier.

Stephanie said...

@ Charlotte, never, ever underestimate the power of a sincerely meant "go to hell."

CaLLie.ANN said...

Just fell in love with you, a little. Love the metaphor. Love the writing. Love the "I don't give a shit" attitude. Love your blog.

gurrbonzo said...

Speaking of parent-child, never underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned TIMEOUT.

JJ said...

brilliant post.

Stephanette said...

Thank you. Tonight I feel understood - even though at times we come from completely different points of view. Thanks for taking a minute and finding another way to say it - you made my Monday after a particularly difficult Sunday.

Have a great Tuesday!

Karissa said...

I think people who don't understand that there are indeed differences between "LDS Culture" and "LDS Doctrine" don't understand the true doctrine of the Mormon Church.

Perfect doctrine does not equal perfect people. Imperfect people create imperfect culture. And I REALLY loved your post.

Tristin said...

God bless you, Mormon Child Bride. I love the way your brain works--shit, damn, and all.

JustMe said...

If we were all supposed to think/feel/act/look alike - we would have been made that way. Our world is richer and more meaningful because we are all so different.

Sometimes you really, really annoy me but I read you because you are honest and funny and truthful. Truth is in short supply. Be who you are are - and yes, to hell with what anyone else thinks.

*hugs*

Nicole said...

I can't ever think of anything to add to your posts other than a hearty amen. I totally get it and I feel the same way.

Xan said...

Perfectly expressed! Thanks!

Jen said...

I love the metaphor! Perfect. Exactly the way I feel. Oh how I wish I had a way with words! Btw, I sit out in the foyer with my kids during sacrament & sometimes chat quietly with other parents out there. Well I had a stupid mom tell me to be quiet so she could hear her father speaking. I just thought I would share that because it really must go. She then hummed the closing song. She's way more spiritual then me & really taught me a lesson;)!!!

Lady Elaine said...

Perfect! Love the metaphor. I wish I could finds words to describe my feelings.

Ryan G said...

I don't know you but I blogstalk you and look forward to your posts. I like that you're direct and aren't afraid to say what you think. Though most of the time I disagree with your opinions I think the fact that they're out there add color to the LDS culture which is lacking sometimes.

Thanks

Emily said...

Fabulously written Stephanie. That metaphor was brilliant.

Sandy said...

i'm a new reader, so i didn't even read the angry post, but i have been binging on your archives and hope that you keep it coming, judgey commenters who hit below the belt be damned. i'm one of those who isn't as publicly honest about my feelings with respect to religion and faith, in part because i fear that people will misunderstand and accuse me of not being faithful. i've been looking for people like you (read LDS and not crazy) for a long time and am glad i stumbled onto your blog.

MJ said...

If this had the button, I would LOVE! this post! And Ru's comment, and everyone else's, even JustMe, though I have to say, you've yet to annoy me. And I'm registered Republican (didn't vote that way...whatev).

You have the PR skillz to say what needs to be said, something I lack. (Oh, I'll tell someone to go to hell, and be fully justified in it, and probably cuss them out, but wouldn't take it down. I'd post it and leave it. Not always the best route...)

Drees009 said...

Cowards blow. Way to be nasty and hide behind an "anonymous" guise. People lose all credibility when they send nasty-grams without a signature. Even if their comment had any validity to begin with, not having the cheechaws to link their name to it should be castrated.

Regirlfriend said...

We scare people when we challenge things they don't have the luxury of challenging. I have a friend who reacts like a FREAK to my harmless thoughts or opinions about religion. Her words are always arranged to be a defense of something that wasn't attacked, they are barbed, and they reek of fear.

It makes me sad to think of what that fear is.

That same reek is wafting from the words you posted here.

I've learned that this stuff torments questioning minds (a blessing and a beautiful trait) that aren't permitted to question. Either by social restrictions, family expectations, or just the threat of what would happen if the question was answered differently than you hoped.

The anonymous (shocker) poster is dealing with something deep, frightening, and sad, if that makes you feel any better. It probably doesn't.

Your words, by contrast, always make me feel safer and more comfortable in my own weird perch in the world.

If you're freaking people out, it probably means you're saying something right. So, hats off to you.

xoxo/km

Katz said...

Love it! In all honestly I feel the same damn way about my own faith.

Rachel said...

I just wanted to say that I really liked this metaphor. It is almost exactly how I feel, and I love hearing from Mormons who feel the same way.

kelli christine case said...

your blog makes me so mad but i can't stop reading it!

Bekah said...

I know I'm way late on reading this, but I'm lucky enough that I did get to read the prior post. I thought it was very insightful. I also thought it was pretty brave of you to put your thoughts out there that challenge the norm of LDS culture. I really liked your post and totally agreed with it. Ditto on this post.