Things I Enjoy
1. Articles and magazine columns that tell me things about myself based on seemingly minimal character traits paired with broad generalizations. Oh, hello there, magazine. I DO in fact style my hair the same way every day. That means I am a genius who prefers to focus on saving the world? That is why I rock the bob? I had no idea. I thought I was just lazy.
Tiny character trait + broad generalization= contented reader Child Bride. I wear red, I am passionate. I wear black, I am mysterious. I prefer watermelon to cantaloupe= I am great in bed. Really? I love you, magazines.
I especially like that the magazines will never tell you something bad about yourself. What if I start wearing my hair differently? Never fear, that just means you are a creative free spirit who sees her body as a work of art. Oh. Good. I was worried. You wear yellow? You are a sociopath. Just kidding, you are friendly and good in bed.
All of them seem to go back to that, I’ve noticed.
2. I enjoy pretty, pretty designy blogs and fashion blogs so long as they don’t attribute a sense of morality to certain design trends. I do not like pretty, pretty design blogs that try and tell me things about myself based on minimal yet broad generalizations. You have a sweater from Anthropologie? That does not mean you are a creative free spirit. It means you had $90 bucks of disposable income. I reject design/fashion blogs that make consumerism a personality type.
I’m not saying the correlation does not exist, because hippies buy Subarus, not Suburbans, and for a reason, I’m saying I don’t want to read about it. I don’t want to read about how wearing a vintage apron from etsy will make me feel more feminine. I like the photo of the potted orchids, but it does not inspire me. Just show me the picture, for hells sakes.
This is getting sidetracked and muddled, let us go back to things I like.
3.I enjoy feeling superior to people who made different life choices than me, and are therefore less successful. Especially if those people tormented me in junior high. This makes me a bitch, but a successful one.
(I enjoy that feeling until the guilt starts seeping in under the cracks of my bravado. Fortunately, this is usually when I am humbled by a group of angry teens who don’t understand why I keep trying to make them read things. The universe finds a way of balancing itself, does it not?)
4. I enjoy Ray Bradbury. I would venture to say that Ray is one of my very favorite authors, which seems to shock people. Like I am supposed to say Shakespeare or Milton, who I also love. But there is something about Ray Bradbury’s accessibility (his characters swear when they stub their toes, no need for a dramatic monologue when a “damn” will suffice,) coupled with that heart achingly beautiful language:
“Montag’s hand closed like a mouth, crushed the book with wild devotion, with an insanity of mindlessness to his chest. The men above were hurling shovelfuls of magazines into the dusty air. They fell like slaughtered birds and the woman stood below, like a small girl, among the bodies.”
Not to mention all the inventions. A nursery that comes alive and eats the parents! Automated houses that make pancakes until it collapses upon itself! Talking cars! I always tell my students that while most of our technology has caught up to Bradbury’s imagination, I am still waiting for Apple to create a tiny mechanical spider to make my toast, and little brass cockroaches to clean my floors.
What do you enjoy?