Was that too raunchy of an analogy? I don't know anymore. I spend so much time being perfectly neutral and teen-appropriate all day, my filters are wonky. Judging space, should you require it:______________________________________________________________
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Anyway, for those of you not watching The Bachelorette, let me introduce you to an excellent contestant.
Meet contestant Bentley Williams. Bentley is a 28 year old divorced Mormon, BYU alum ( he has a degree in...wait for it... Family and Consumer Sciences. Just kidding, in Finance.) He has a daughter named Cozy, and an ex-wife who sells headbands on Etsy. Hobbies include general misogyny, being jealous of guys who get more attention than him, hair products, and plaid.
People seem unusually confused by Bentley's behavior on the show,since it is extraordinarily douchey, even by reality TV standards. But it really is not that hard to explain. Bentley is a textbook example of a rare specimen of Mormon maleness known as the Mormonus Douche Maximus, or Mormon Douche.
How can you tell if you or a loved one is dating a Mormon Douche? Here are a few tell-tale signs of the species:
1. Mormon Douches give good face. In public, especially around their significant other, they are often charming, overly-polite, and gregarious. It is only behind your back that the Mormon Douche will rank your physical appearance, try to date your younger sister while simultaneously flirting with you, and text his ex-girlfriend. This can make a MD incredibly difficult to spot, so be on the lookout for other signs.
2. On the surface, MDs appear to be devoted to their religion. They will have served a mission, and will brag about being Zone Leader or AP. (They will not mention that they worked in the President's office solely so that their Mission President can babysit them for two years after catching them making out with the Bishop's daughter.)
While seemingly devout on the surface, they have strange little exceptions made to suit their needs.
For instance, an MD will openly criticize people who watch Modern Family, since it clearly supports a malevolent Gay Agenda. However, they have no problem watching Californication, or anything featuring hot girls, boobs, and bikini's.
3. Likewise, they will assure you that their porn problem is "taken care of," but still be unusually interested in shows produced by HBO. Mysteriously, you will find much from the "Adult Chanel" on their Netflix queue.
4. Naturally, a true MD will major in Finance, Dentistry, Law, or Medicine. He will have average grades, but excess charm, and will temporarily be wildly successful. However, a few failed tests will result in a sudden interest in alarm systems.
5. The MD will promptly quote Church talks or Proclamations that support a woman staying at home with her children, mostly because he doesn't want to have to compete with them in his Macro Economics class, Law School, or Medical School.
6. While MDs can and are often found outside of Provo, the isolated and often inbred species, Mormonus Provoian Douche Maximus will only be interested in dating UVU students, hairstylists, or Nail Technicians. This is not met to degrade any of the previously mentioned females, but simply a reflection of the more insidious characteristics of an MD: they don't like to compete with others, especially their wives. They will actively seek a mate who is perceived to be less intelligent. Bonus points if they actually fulfill the dream.
Allow me to clarify: a true Mormon Douche is highly competitive with other males, but would combust if forced to compete at home. Prolonged interaction with female missionaries, engineering students, and professors (all known by Mormon Douches as "bitches,") would cause his head to explode. Survival instinct and an intense urge to propagate the species makes the successful female a natural enemy to the Mormon Douche.
7. Similar to the trait examined in #5, Mormon Douches are drawn to older Church Doctrine that most find wildly outdated/offensive. He uses quotes and snippets from such talks (Think Packer, McConkie, and Benson,) to support embarrassing beliefs involving racism, homophobia, and general misogyny.
8. Mormon Douches generally fear, and simultaneously admire the Gay Population. They fear them because they sense common ground on certain stereotypical standards: hair, clothing, and gym equipment, the same things they often surreptitiously admire. This causes them to question their masculinity, leading to outbursts involving the words "fag," "queer," an"that's sooooooo gay." They will assure you they do not "mean it."
9. At one point, all Mormon Douches wore pukka shell jewelry.
10. At one point, all Mormon Douches popped their collars, often popped multiple collars, and perhaps tried on their girlfriend's jeans. Just to see.
While sightings of the Mormonus Douche Maximus are frequent, any first hand experience or expertise in contributing to the analysis of this fascinating species is welcome in the comments. Good luck, Ashley H., you were doomed the day you signed up for Dental School.
275 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 275 of 275I take exception to your characterization of Bentley as a "rare" specimen of Mormon maleness. This is the entire Provo metro area male population between ages 24-40.
@ The
If you are going to roast me, get the details right. Reading my profile, or even the rest of my blog, will clear those things up.
(Namely, the whole I didn't serve a mission because I got married when I was 20, U of U graduate, in the true LDS feminist major: History with an emphasis in Asian Gender Studies.)
This could have been so much funnier if it was accurate. But since it is not, I'm going to go eat the food my emasculated husband made. Cheers!
@The
PS Doesn't it suck that no one will probably get to your comment since it is number 200? In a slew of fangirls?
Once again, somebody isn't getting the attention they crave. Sad face.
Male Douche = Douche Bag
Female Douche = Douche Vag
Just saying.
you are a genius! unfortunately, i have dated my share of MD's - we like to call them "provo all-stars" - late twenties, just barely finishing generals because they "don't know what to major in", have dated every girl on byu campus, uvu campus, and every hairschool girl in the valley (myself being a hairschool girl), and hit up every party in utah valley, making sure they grind with "hot girls" which will in turn let the hot girls ncmo (non-commital make-out) with them later that night. they only work in the summer selling alarm systems in the midwest, and when not working or in school (so 9 months out of the year), they can be found at gold's gym blowing kisses to themselves in the mirror.
While I know there's no point in commenting post 200, I have to give "The" props for spending what was clearly a shitload of time writing those jokes. I wonder what he'll do with his afternoon now.
Bahahahaha that's what we called "apex boys" when I went to byu-Idaho:)
i dated a mormon douche bag.
too bad there is no cure - there are hundreds of these creepers running wild.
its a shame that some men feel so poorly about themselves that they become d-bags.
thanks for sharing. you had me rolling on the floor.
His daughter's name is Cozy? That's the douchiest thing I've heard all day.
Are you saying that this alleged group are "rare" or are they as you titled it, "unfortunately, not endangered"?
I am uncomfortable with stereotyping any group of people and the consequences that follow from it. Judging a group based on the actions of a few or specifically one is narrow minded.
@THE - words fail me. Steph wrote with humor and wit. You are nasty and cruel.
I'm pretty sure you are not douche, you just wish you were.
Sure hope you're not married. You would beat your wife to death with ugly words
Funny. I'm currently divorcing one of these RIGHT now, lol. Hilarious.
God bless you, stranger. God bless.
There's one more thing! The MD thinks that being rude to a girl or making fun of her is flirting, but it's usually just mean and obnoxious and as soon as the girl bites back or makes fun of him too he lashes out with, "I WAS JUST KIDDING! Geez, can't you take a joke!?"
That's how I always spot them!
Ha ha Great post Stephanie!
Its sad actually that so many girls fall for this type of Mormon guy... I went to high school with some of them and even saw one of my good friends marry one. Stephanie you are absolutely right, these guys are ridiculously good and manipulating their partners. My friend dropped out of school as soon as she married her MD because he supposedly figured out a business idea that will make them filthy rich. I'm only 20 and I honestly cannot see myself getting married tomorrow, I think we should consider how there is a Mormon subculture that pressures students studying at byu(i) to get married asap
so funny! I actually enjoyed this and not sure why some commenters are so outraged (aka: the). I'm 20 and I personally can't see myself married tomorrow, I dont think I could stand being with a person who doesn't consider me an equal, let alone a guy who thinks I'm just a body to impregnate. That said I'm sad to see that many girls fall for MDs, my close friend fell for one. She dropped out of school after getting married because he came across some bs business idea that will make them filthy rich. Of course its bs, she has no backup plan, no education (oh neither does he since he dropped out to pursue this dream) and is currently a waitress so they can pay bills. I sort of blame mormon subculture that silently pressures young men and women to get married
asap without thinking. It used to be that people
would date for years before marrying, whats the rush? We will have eternity to be with our significant other, I for one want to make sure this guy is the real deal.
MDs are out there, but so are really gooooooooooooood guys. We just have to look out for them
I have two thoughts after reading the comments on this post.
First, I disagree with people who think that pointing out flaws in Mormon culture is portraying the church in a negative light. Would you rather we just sweep these problems under the rug and pretend like they don't exist, or worse, glorify the Bentley's of the world? Far better, I think, to show that we know these MDs exist, and we don't approve of their behavior. To give an extreme analogy, one of the greatest criticisms of the Catholic church was not just that the pedophile incidents happened, but that so many church members and leaders just turned their head and looked away, rather than spoke up about the problems.
Second, I have to disagree with the comments that put the blame of MDs equally on the girls who date them. For instance, the comment by Bree Leach. I agree that there is a category of girls - the self absorbed, shallow Mormon barbie type - that probably deserves a Bentley. But I have known many other women that were virtually blameless in the situation (from my admittedly limited point of view). For instance, take a sweet, naive, loving, and trusting dear friend of mine who was convert to the church and who was taken in by the manipulative and charming things an charismatic, apparently righteous returned missionary (secretly an MD) told her. This girl was not self absorbed, was actually rather shy in public situations, and fell head over heels for a boy that turned out to have lots of baggage beneath the handsome surface. Do we really think these type of women are "asking" for it because they are trusting enough to fall for the coy tricks of MDs with game? That seems like a pretty callous, harsh, and judgmental attitude to me.
Dammit. My 12 year old just came home from his first time at Scout camp with a puka shell necklace and a popped collar. Is there an early intervention program for this?
Also, I think it's proof that nature wins over nurture. He's adopted. His biological father was an MD. My husband and I are Star Wars loving geeks who have forbidden out children from attending BYU.
Maybe this is his way of rebelling?
Actually I think most MD's are found in the Provo area and grew up in Utah.
Here is my issue with what you have said here...
WHERE WERE YOU 12 YEARS AGO? I needed this list BEFORE I married the MD that is soon to be my ex.
Couldn't stop laughing, but had to cry too at the truth!
Oh, and can I AMEN all the comments? Heehee! Well... the ones that know you are so right with everything you said!
Oh MY! This was so SPOT ON funny! and a direct hit.
MD's have been around since time began(Cain, perhaps?) I dated one when I was at Ricks College. Yes, it was a few years ago.
When I was a young woman, we were basically taught (by some well meaning leader, I am sure) that Returned Missionaries were about the closest thing to Prophet-like that we would ever find. When we were told to "find a worthy young man" the criteria always included that.
I met a charming young RM at one of the dances. He was funny and seemed to think highly of me. We went out for a few times, usually not to public affairs and he also had flirted with and thought about asking out my younger sister who was in one of his classes. He always seemed to want to park on a secluded street and "talk", always about religious topics, of course. He was an RM, what could I have to worry about? One night, he took me home to my apartment and, since the parking lot was empty and it was late, wanted to make out. After a while, he told me that he had reached a "goal" that he had made from the first time that he saw me, to make out in a reclining position. I just didn't know what to do. I hadn't the confidence at the time to shove him off and get out of there. I also didn't find out until a few days later that a girl in an upper apt. had seen us kissing with him on top of me. I was mortified and astonished to find that I was known as the girl who was having sex out in the parking lot. Not only was it not true, but there were no neg. consequences for HIM. Ewwww. Still weirds me out to think about and this happened 30 years ago!
@mdgrandmaster
Don't fool yourself. You may think that you and your wife and children turn into these great people who become our bosses...BUT, you are still easily spotted as an MD. Just older and with a ponch. It is your sons who are the md's on the high school football teams. Your daughters who are the trashy cheerleaders (but oh so sweet!). And your wives with the ratted hairdo's in charge of the snack shack at the games!
MD's do not change and become better people, they become the old man in the ward that leers at the pretty women in their dresses and insist on giving the young girls full on body hugs. Their watch phrase becomes, "...but I don't MEAN anything by it!".
Of course, they are still just joking!
Bravo!
Hahaha! 222 comments! Must agree with you, MCB. Bentley is an MD. Ashley is much better off without him.
Wow, you really caused a ruckus here, didn't you? As such a late poster (I was on vacation), I feel confident that pretty much nobody will read this. But since I'm up late anyway, I might as well put in my two cents.
As the father of two (so far) little girls out in the mission field, my greatest hope was for them to attend BYU and meet a good mormon boy while they were there, get married (but still finish their degree) and go off and live happily ever after.
I foolishly made the assumption that the struggle lay (lied? laid? lain?) in getting them accepted to such a prestigious institution. Once in, their's would be a cakewalk to everlasting tranquility. Now you tell me that pitfalls abound, even in the most highly concentrated distillation of worthy companions on the planet? Oh woe is me! What sort of advice would you recommend for a father or even a young woman facing such a dilemma?
Despite some excellent suggestions for follow-up posts, I think your blog space would best be utilized by guiding those innocent young minds through the hidden snares of attaching themselves to men such as those described in your post. It would avoid pointing out the female variety, which would just anger those already upset by the harsh light you have cast upon the reputation of this otherwise perfect and unblemished church.
P.S. My daughters are 2 yrs and 4 months, so if you can't get to this right away it's fine. There's still time.
Stephanie, I do agree with you on all points that making fun of the Mormon culture puts the religion in a dark light. COME ON! I, myself, make fun of Mormons all the time. If anyone is stupid enough to disbelieve gospel Truths because of several retarded members, they have a lot to learn about human beings and society as a whole. Not to mention other religions, where the case is much worse, as you pointed out the Catholic church.
On another note, I loved your post and knew guys that were 100% like that! I studied Business at BYU and lived in King Henry... I don't know about anyone's porn problems, but the rest I know is accurate! I only wish your post had more examples of traits, because I was laughing my head off!
Way to take backlash with so much class!
To those who backlashed on Stephanie: I'm so sorry the shoe fit!
What have I been doing?! How did I miss your blog for so long! I will be sending this along and will certainly check in regularly--you- genius-you! I will say that MD will be my newest descriptor as I unfortunately come across MD's from time to time and I cannot even look at them . . . going forward I will simply yell out "MD!!" thank you very much for expanding my experiential vocab! love it!
Didn't grow up Momo (like most of you) so have not a clue what the heck you are talking about but I do know Bentley is dang funny - by non-Mormon standards and Momo standards. He cracks me up and I like him, his hair and the fact that he's got all of us talking about him and that he has inadvertently (or maybe purposely) helped promote his ex-wife's Etsy line. Ha! He's the last one laughing, that's for sure.
They also have a habit of using girls to prove their own masculinity. If they question their status as a "dude", arm candy is the best way to prove to the outside world (and themselves) that they are not a member of the named Gay population. They believe this works even when they listen to show tunes in their car, run like pansies and are more prone to drama than a 12-year-old girl. This may not be an MD in the traditional sense, but is definitely part of some sub-population of douchebaggery
I love this post, the follow-post is also really wonderful. Thanks for existing Stephanie and thanks for having a sense of humor about all of this.
Also, I would like say that I'm really sorry for all these Trolls that can't seem to handle your post. I guess the truth can be especially sharp for some people.
Nookleerman>
You are probably all ready doing what you need to to protect you daughters from these kind of men. Love them. Support them. Show them affection readily and often, even when they get to that awkward stage where they start growing breasts...ESPECIALLY then! Girls NEED their fathers to show them what a good man truly is. There is plenty of evidence out there that shows that girls who have loving, supportive, affectionate fathers have the highest self esteem. Fathers tend to back away from their daughters when they reach puberty. Put them into sports. It teaches them to be aware of what their bodies can do, NOT what they look like. Lastly, be ready and willing to offer a father's blessing in all stages and times of their lives and whenever they ask. They will grow to be the kind of strong confident women that will spot md's a mile away.
I read more of the comments on this than I should have spent the time on, but I'd like to agree that guys like this aren't exclusive to Mormons, they just show up so well because it's so unacceptable to have those traits in our religion that they have to hide them. @The... Really? Did you even read the name of the blog? How is she an RM when she was married at 20? I was fortunate enough not to actually date anyone in the MD category, but I had crushes on a few. My husband is amazing (although probably too aware of his own shortcomings), and I know hundreds of other Mormon boys who are great. But dating even a couple of the facades will quickly make a person give up on dating at all, which makes the MD an even worse person; because of them, great guys don't get a chance with a girl. And it's absolutely a two way street, a guy who got burned by a shallow girl gets some definite baggage. I know nothing about Bentley, but I do know that your statements fit many guys, in all walks of life. Well said. P.S. Also happily married at 20, which is how I managed not to date said scumbags.
bahahaha the comments are almost as funny as the post itself!!
The guys you describe are textbook psychopaths -- really, this is not an insult but a statement of fact. Check this out and see:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MZCHjGkTPg&feature=related
These men, and women too, are without empathy and are very good at saying the right things at the right time.
"The" is amazing! Spot on.
I was thinking about naming my dog Cozy... not my child.
This is hilarious! If only MDs knew that they're not God's gift to the singles scene, and they're not what God's daughters are looking for.
What church do yall belong to? Cause mine teaches Christ-like charity and to love your neighbor...Good call..way to represent
Super, Evan! I'm sure you were being Christ-like AND charitable when you took the time to make a blogger profile JUST so you could come on and tell me how bad a Mormon I'm being.
Way to represent.
Honest question: is Mitt Romney a MD?
@Safiya-dafiya: Honestly, I don't know enough about him personally to say. I don't think so. But I'm not voting for him either way.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Nicely done!
How did I miss you? And anyone who has Kumen Call on their sidebar is Grade A in my book. Good post.
Love the new picture you posted - beautiful and bright.
LOVED this post! Thanks! I've been following your refreshingly honest and hilarious blog for several weeks now and just have to say thanks!
I just have an addendum to number 9. While they used to wear pukka shells, they now wear Ed Hardy and Affliction tees.
And can we add a number 11? Two words: Glenn Beck.
Don't lose hope ladies, there are still great guys out there, and I have many of them as friends. Let's be honest, only an MD would ever try out for the bachelorette anyway. Not a normal guy's cup of tea.
amen. glad you said it,wish i had. love it.
single mormon chick
I think this applies to men in general not just Mormons. Maybe not all the church stuff but everything else describes men that are douches. Just saying.
They don't have to be into their hair. They don't even have to HAVE hair. Or maybe I just married a rare form of MD that doesn't look like an MD. After all, it's what's INSIDE that counts, am I right?
I'm a very intelligent, capable, and talented woman, and an RM to boot. Why he married someone who so obviously threatens his ego is beyond me.
And watch out. If you marry an MD, you'll end up on anti-depressants for sure. And maybe hiding out with your kids at your VT companion's house while he's being served a restraining order.
sadly the MD can also be found in South America. lol. So I will have to correct you on the confined to the "Provo" area... My ex husband was one of these to the T... kinda crazy reading this post. as always thanks for the honesty!!
Okay non-mormon here, and my eyes are rolling out of my head on to the floor where they finally find a resting place with the dustbunnies under the couch at the mormons that are slamming the author of this blog because of some perception of "oh gawd what will nonmormons think?" Well I think all you getting your knickers in a knot need to take a good long look in the mirror because obviously she is describing you. When people make jokes about my religion - I LAUGH. Because I can laugh at myself! Duh. I no more think all Mormons are the same than I think all cats are the same. So take a deep breath and stop harassing authors that can point a finger at their culture and laugh.
@hekates: I now pronounce you the voice of reason.
Thank the Lord.
@Brad Goaslind
I’m a non-Morman and I have got to agree with Stephanie. I found the comments from people basically telling her to hush because a non-believer might be scared away from the church WAY more disturbing and a lot more telling about the type of people that I would meet in the Morman religion than her humorous MD description. I want to hear the good and the bad.
If you want people to stop thinking of your religion as a cult then I wouldn't advise promoting a "never publicly criticize the faith or any members of the faith" doctrine.
I knew one (or two... or quite a few) once upon a time. Engaged to one at one point & dodged that bullet. I laugh, bc you basically described all of the guys my husband hated at BYU.
I just want to add that there are guys and girls out there that have serious issues. It is hard when you trust someone and believe them, to see through all the lies.
Shame on Bentley. He is the one who will have to face the fact that one day his daughter will be able to see how he treated a woman. Not ok.
I only want to say that Suzette is an amazing and talented woman.. SHe is gorgeous and had so many guys after her at BYU. I only pray that one day she will be treated the way she was always meant to be treated. With 100% respect and love.
Oh Stephanie! My new favorite!!
To all of those who say that pointing out this guy's glaring flaws somehow "hurts" the church...get a life and a grip!
I loved your comments to Amanda. It is the ability to view the membership "as they are" and call a spade a spade that has touched such a nerve among your readers. I am so, so sick of these "head in the ground" LDS who have NO sense of humor or believe that "non-members" possess the ability or intellect to discern the bad apples from the good...but then again, it is because they believe that no one has the ability to "discern" before they are a member. Talk about judgmental!!!!
Keep it up! You are fantastic, refreshingly honest and hilarious! If I weren't a member, I would join after reading YOUR take on life!!!
Love it. One day this asshole will achieve his supremacy, and be found selling cell phones at a kiosk in the mall.
Spread the word, when girls start recognizing, then refusing to put up with these guys, these guys will become rightfully endangered.
I love this! It makes me think of an MD I thought I was close to marrying. Over and over I heard from him:
"When we get married, don't 'let yourself go'."
Ha. Dork.
Thank you, Stephanie, for crystalizing the tragic farce that the MD is. Sadly, my sister was married to one once---and it's funny yet tragic to see how far he will go to pretend to be the 'righteous martyr' that she so cruelly divorced. I'll admit at one time I was jealous of the MD, because, let's face it, they got the attention. At BYU, the kiss of death was to tell women that you were a Family History Major. I recently married (and I definitely married up) and I love that I didn't need to fakebake and play dressup for her to love me.
True true true! Thank you. As a recent convert to the church, the MD is one thing I cannot stand! Glad that someone acknowledges this publicly.
regardless of what the original post was, or was intended to be, it's now being used very negatively.
going off of comments here and ones attached to the link on any number of social media sites, a huge amount of people are just using it to validate their personal positions in a way they would never do themselves. sharing a link to a post is much easier, though, and gives an extra wall of defense from criticism for it. this isn't especially unusual or unique to the lds community, but it still makes a huge mass of mormons look like jerks as many of us degrade "the md", the author, or any number of other targets.
it was entertaining, but it does kind of suck that people can't be a bit classier in their sharing or commenting on it.
Wow... I'm offended 100% by all of the above. This article paints a terrible picture of both LDS men AND WOMEN. It causes discord in both party's pursuits for a happy future. The author should be ashamed, as should the "sweet spirits" author .
ryp24 - So sorry your offended. On the other hand, bet you are one of the people that offend others on a regular basis. Then you shrug and say "well, I'm just telling the truth". From your picture, I have to say you look like a Mormon Douche. Sorry, just telling the truth.
The "Mormon Douche" was pretty good, though I don't agree with all of it. But the "Sweet Spirit" rebuttal is just so awesome! Well done!
Oh and Sorry Stephanie, not a regular reader of your blog and I loved his comment.... I did in fact read it all the way at 200. ;)
http://www.hulu.com/watch/255142/the-soup-bachelorette-blabber#s-p1-sr-i0
Man i hated him! I was watching from the beginning and had no idea that he was Mormon. I just knew that i hated his guts and wanted to punch that smug face. (And i'm not a violent person)
I am ashamed that he can call himself Mormon. He is disgusting and doesn't even follow the very basic commandments.
I'm late to the party here- just found your blog, but I had to comment. LOVED this post. Hilarious and made me appreciate my non-MD hubby all that much more.
It also makes me very sad. My sweet little girl is named Bentley and now there is a bad connotation to the name. Add that to the list of things he's ruined.
I just found your blog today, and it gave me a great reason to stay up ridiculously late. Will you move to my neighborhood?
A Response. http://iblogabond.com/2011/06/04/the-bachelorette-religulous-mormons-and-my-pessimism-with-humanity/
Not that I support the MD syndrome or anything that relates to it. I am suprised by all of the women who think that being a mom is less than being a lawyer or a dentist, or whatever you are going into. the family is the base of society, so what if T.V tells us otherwise. they are obviously putting trash on there with this show, why would it be different. to say being a mom is lesser is sexist and wrong. I love being a mother and wouldn't have it any other way.
p.s. it takes more to be a mom than anything else, you ask any "professional" if they would rather go to work or deal with teaching, cleaning, and caring for 4 children in the house. Everyone of them knows work is easier.
This post is in the running for a Brodie award in the category of "Most Insightful Discussion of Mormon Beliefs, Practices, and Culture". Please go here if you'd like to vote (or campaign) for yourself. :D
This post renders a BYU experience into perfect sense. I was a sophomore and overhearing a conversation between a girl who had been in my freshman dorm and a returned missionary.
RM/MD: "Yeah, if I were a girl going to school here, I wouldn't really try that hard in school. I would just hang out, have a lot of fun, and date lots of guys."
I know I'm a little late for this, but I just have one bit of advice: wait until they get accepted to med or dental school. At that point, you can be sure they're not dropping out to sell alarms.
Also, if you're 18 or 19, they're accepted, and still interested in you... get out because they're probably that MD preying on their "uneducated dream bride".
Personally, I would be lucky to get a girl who's going off to dental school with me. (currently, I'm dating a girl who gets better grades than me and I love it!)
I'm assuming you interviewed my ex for this. I'm incredibly impressed you got him to be so open about his... him-ness. That said, terribly sorry for any interaction you had with him or others infected by similar him-nesses.
All joking aside - this was brilliant.
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