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7/5/11

some people write the great American novel during their summer vacations...

Turns out, I'm not the most self-motivated person on the planet. I mean, I obviously manage enough to show up to work and not get arrested, but when left with no real deadlines or responsibilities, not much happens. In fact, when people ask me the inevitable "What have you been up to all summer" question, I usually respond with "absodamnlutely nothing." Which makes my righteous friends cringe because of the swear, and my heathen friends cringe because "absodamnlutely" sounds sort of awful.


HOWEVER. I am waaaaaaaay to busy to babysit your kids. Let's get that straight right now.


Anyway, have you seen THIS? I think it is sort of gross. I mean, I'm not exactly queen of political correctness, but altering a dead person's photo to correspond with a semi-inflammatory article about what they would be up to if they had not died young crosses a line for me. Aren't we all glad I found my line of human decency? On one side of the line, we have Mormon douchebags, open criticism of religion, reality TV, general mockery of Republicans, and all manner of things in poor taste,but heaven help us if Newsweek messes with Princess Diana. Line crossed.

I don't want to speculate about what Princess Di would be doing if she was alive because I posses a brain very ill-suited to imaginative play/suspension of disbelief. For instance, there are many things I shun solely because accepting it would require me to change a previous acquired mindset, and that just isn't going to happen. I cannot tolerate: Fan-fiction, remakes of classic movies, replacing any member of the original movie cast in said movie's sequel, digitally remastering anything, and cover songs. I know. I'm a purist. But I really don't care about if Diana and Catherine would get along, because it won't happen. I don't want to read an alternate version of Harry Potter where Dumbledore falls in love with Harry, (if I wanted to read something ridiculous and implausible, I'd re-read Twilight,) and I most certainly don't want to see Zac Efron coming anywhere near Footloose.


I worry sometimes about my inability to accept gray areas in popular culture. I mean, if I can't hypothesize about Princess Diana, why do I frequently want to hypothesize what will happen if Mitt Romney is actually elected ?(Prediction: huge spike in Rogaine sales, men going into salons asking for the "Romney swoop.") Furthermore, why do I always want to hypothesize about past and present changes in the LDS church? I mean, and I ask this sincerely, isn't the whole church just (sometimes) divinely inspired fan-fiction? What would Nephi be doing if he was still alive?


You will have to ponder that intellectual gem on your own. I'm clearly very busy this summer.

18 comments:

rossandconnierockon! said...

Your post is making me laugh! I tend to have a few issues with "creativity" in film too. Often happens during fighting/violent scenes--and when I am reminded "it is just a movie" I calmly remind that someone had to think of it. About Footloose--I posted my concern about this "remake" on Facebook. I became genuinely concerned when my FB friends were openly excited about it. No way. And Kevin Bacon cannot agree to a cameo performance! And who would play Arial? One last comment. I was listening to a radio interview with the Coen Brothers (just this morning!) and they also said they are not always keen on remakes. When asked the one film they would NOT do--"Guess Who's Coming to Dinner." I very openly said "Yes, you cannot remake that film!"

Colt said...

The Romney Swoop, kill me now.

Stephanie said...

@rossandconnie: I think someone (not the Coen Brothers,) DID remake Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. IT HAD ASHTON KUTCHER and it was TERRIBLE.

Reuben said...

If Nephi was still alive, he would be stealing cultural treasures and chopping off heads and then telling everybody that God told him to do it. Obviously.

Ru said...

I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it until some nerd out there makes an internet meme and takes all the credit:

Mitt Romney reminds me of Captain Von Trapp so much I can't even handle it. I want him to be president just so he can sing "Edelweiss" at his inauguration. Preferably with all his kids popping out to sing "So Long, Farewell!" as an encore. He can borrow some Palins if needs be.

Catherine Dabels said...

Okay you are right about replacing actors in sequels and the fact that Twilight pretty much just sucked from beginning to end and the cast of those movies might be entirely wrong, which is just my own personal opinion BUT........

Zac Efron or the Zacefron (zak-af-ron) as we call him around here in Footloose?? It's perrrrrrfecccccct.

Ahhhh, the Zacefron......

Kristina said...

I think photoshopping Diana to look like the undead definitely crosses a line.

UK Yankee said...

I agree - do not screw with the classics. That movie with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston? Total remake of 'Cactus Flower' with Goldie Hawn, Ingrid Bergman and Walter Matthau - how can anyone top that??!

And hypothesizing about changes in the Church is a totally normal reaction to something that you find frustrating and upsetting. If Nephi were alive, he'd be a subscriber. :)

Julie said...

I can't believe you don't think Twilight is 100% accurate, heart beatin', his and her towels, God-honest truth about real love. What is wrong with you?! Its TOTALLY plausible. Nephi said so.

But I'll give you the Dianna thing. Totally creepy.

And the Romney Swoop... [snicker]...

P.s. Reuben: love.

geoffsn said...

I think the creepiest thing about that Diana photo was that in attempting to make her look like the age she would have been (the photoshop job was not publishing quality) it actually gives her a Zombie aura.

If the article accompanying it was about Zombie Diana, I'd probably read it.

Angie said...

I'm one of those people who always has unrealistically unattainable summer goals like memorizing Macbeth or learning Swedish. At the end of the summer, I generally have far less to show for myself, but I have rewatched the entire Gilmore Girls series (again) and have made a list of the best-worst reality TV shows. . Summer is the New Years Eve of seasons.

Michemily said...

Guess what? Some guys came up to me last night and asked if I knew where they could get a good beer (obviously they were trying to pick me up). I said, "Nope, I don't drink. Sorry." Their response? "Are you Mormon?" Then we had a conversation about everything Mormon they'd ever heard of, and one of them said, "Do you watch Bachelorette? Right now there's a Mormon guy and he's a total douchebag." I had to laugh because that was the exact same word you used for him, and you were the only reason I knew about the existence of this horrible Mormon guy. Anyway, I just had to tell you that.

Oh, and the Princess Di today thing? Creepy.

LovelyLauren said...

I had the same thoughts about the Princess Diana article. It just seemed sort of....tasteless. Also, weird. However, it was a little better than the constant memorializing. When I was 12 so I told my mother that Princess Di was dead and people should just get over it.

JustMe said...

Steph - you will ALWAYS be way too busy to babysit. I am fortunate to visit teach young mothers with small children. Right from the start I made it clear, "I don't like children and I don't babysit. Of course, your children are adorable, but I don't babysit"

I like Romney - sue me :-) I did have to laugh at the thought of him singing "Edelweiss" with the Palin children behind him.

I am jealous you get an entire summer to write the great American novel. I KNEW I should have finished school and taught little monsters.

As to Twilight, Diana, and Mormon douches - I'll just shut up.

Drees009 said...

Not related to this post, but one of my friends, a teacher in UT, posted this today and I thought you might appreciate it:

Student: "How many kids do you have?"
Me: "None."
Student: "You're 23 and you don't have kids. Why not?"
Me: "Because I'm not from Utah.

Natalie | The Bobby Pin said...

This post was amazing. First it was summer, then princess Di, then to Mormondom.

Sigh... sometimes I don't know how much I can pretend with church. I mean, I can't do Twilight or Harry Potter or any movie where animals talk. At all. So no imagination I have.

Though I'm totally jealous of your summer. I can't believe someone would ask you to babysit? I'd punch them! This is your earned break and catch-up time!

Caitlin said...

Dear Stephanie,

I thought I knew everything about Mitt Romney, and I don't know why I shouldn't like him.

Could you explain some basic principles of life to me?

I'm serious. Wikipedia isn't much of a political party research tool and while I'm reading this I might as well get some information I can act/decide on.

Seriously,
cc

Stephanie said...

@Caitlin

I don't dislike Mitt Romney. I really liked a lot of the things he did while Govenor of Massachusetts. I think he bothced his campaign last time by trying to be a right wing neo-conservative, when history indicates he's more of a moderate.

That said, I'm a liberal leftist socialist heathen, so I'm going to vote for the canidate that best reflects those ideals. So Pres. Obama is my man.

I'm saying this sincerely, if you are a moderate Republican, there is probably not much to dislike about Romney, especially if he goes with what I love to refer to as Massachusetts Mitt.

Probably not very helpful, if I find something interesting about the Mittster, I'll pass it along.

PS Thanks for the Mormon Matters heads up. I think it will be interesting...