Ad

12/29/11

this is happening.

And by this, I mean blogging. I'm a little disgusted by how infrequent a blogger I've become. I wish I could blame future child entirely, but we all know that I always have some reason not to blog, usually involving T.V.

(Side note: I started watching How I Met Your Mother over the break, and it is embarrassing how close I am to being caught up. I like HIMYM. Is it not cool anymore? I live in a TV time warp.)

(Another side note: This blog post is coming to you in the form of No Delete Thursday. Which means barring a huge typo, or maybe even despite the huge typo, I'm not deleting anything I write. I'm that rusty at blogging. Apologies (or, if it is awesomely embarrassing,) You're Welcome, in advance.


It is weird that I always put off blogging because I really enjoy it. I like interacting with people, and I'm a glutton for attention. It is also a great way to kill time. Maybe my reluctance to blog stems from my superego trying to control the raging narcissist id that is my blogging persona.

Oh shit. Claiming to be a narcissist is what truly annoying narcissist bloggers do in an attempt to be cute. Oh, here is my one-millionth photo shoot of me doing mundane things! Bahaha, I'm such a narcissist, want to see what I wore c/o Anthro?

Damn you, No Delete Thursday, damn you to hell.

News and Updates

-Spouseman claims pregnancy doubles all pre-existing personality traits. Thus, I have become even more antisocial (I find myself avoiding social gatherings for no other reason than I worry about being homesick) and more easily enraged (I don't care if it is No Delete Thursday, I'm not telling you about some of my more awesome rage freak outs.) I'd feel bad for Spouseman, until I remember that not only am I the one rapidly gaining weight and going insane, it is also my job to push this kid out. So, really, dealing with an angry hermit is not that big a deal. Be grateful for that Y chromosome, friend.

Want to know the way I remember which gender has the XX chromosome and which has the XY? XX is the girl because it is closest to XXX which means porn stars, who, in my mind, for the purpose of memory-keeping, are all girls. Sexist? Yes. Even true? No. Meaning men are also porn stars, the part about XX and XY chromosomes is true.  Slightly ashamed that I put that on the internet? Yes. But the integrity of No Delete Thursday lives on.

If this were one of my normal posts at this point I would

a. use a poem to help resolve my deeply rooted issues with the LDS church.

b. insert the word "damn" into another word (i.e. adamndorable.)

c. develop some form of conclusion/ask a question so I could wrap this up.

Clearly, this is not a normal post.

Side note: I really liked how people left comments on my last (non-deleted) post about what poems/bits of literature they have floating in their heads. Aren't words wonderful? I think you can tell a lot about a person based on what poem they keep in their heads. I think you can tell that they are awesome.

Anyway, as I've mentioned, I'm really angry sometimes when gestating. I told this to the person I Visit Teach, and she told me how she kicked in a door while pregnant with her second child. That made me feel really good, because I've done a lot of things (including throwing away any of my husband's church books that were written by Packer, Young, or McKonkie in a fit of church rage) but I haven't kicked in a door yet.

 Spouseman,  if you are reading this, I am sorry about throwing the books away without telling you. (Until now, on the internet.) In my defense, I could have said I threw away all your church books that were homophobic, sexist, or racist (in that order,) and I know you haven't read 90% of them anyway, nor do I think you have noticed their absence. Also, I refuse to look up how to spell McKonkie, but find my way very amusing.

Given that I just confessed to chucking (not even recycling, just chucking,) a bunch of Venerated Chruch Literature away, are you surprised to learn that I am a kickass Visiting Teacher? For real. I hardly ever miss a month. I've given up on many church-related rituals (either entirely, or else modified them so that they suit my needs,) but I'll be damned (if you are a TBM, you might take that literally,) if I don't visit my church sisters. I genuinely like Visiting Teaching, though. I like talking to people about kicking doors in while pregnant, and even having meaningful gospel related discussions without worrying if it is the right "church answer."

I think I would like church a lot more if there were more talk about how human we all are, and less talk about what will happen to people who have double-earrings in the Millennium. (Spoiler alert: Spirit Prison. Seriously, last time I went to Relief Society, one sweet sister was very adamant that this was Christ's chosen way of dealing with multiple piercings.)


Anyway, after typing the word "porn" out a whole lot, I think it is time to wrap this thing up. I should leave you all in order to read some of my fascinating pregnancy literature, but I will probably just join Ted Mosby in another quest to find his future wife. It's been a very fun No-Delete Thursday. Really, I mean that, and if I don't, there is nothing I can do about it anyway.

46 comments:

Natalie said...

I love your posts. I learned in church a few Sundays ago that we will be held accountable for watching the Super Bowl because that is not keeping the Sabbath Day holy. Pretty sure judging me for watching it is far worse.

Crystal said...

I may be a little tipsy, but I thoroughly enjoyed the XX vs XY memory keeping tactic so much that I posted it on FB (of course I cited your wonderfulness). But I will never have a hard time forgetting that now. :)

Tristin said...

More of this. Your unfiltered, (mostly) uninhibited ranting is cathartic for all of us. We can't continue suppressing our baser drives without living our dream of lashing out through you. Thanks for acting out the psychodrama of our minds.

Risa said...

You make me laugh. Best. post. ever.

Kim said...

What is TBM?

Stephanie said...

True Believing Mormon, or True Blue Mormon.

meagan said...

I love no delete Thursdays. And you. And that you are preggers. (Yes, I just said that. On purpose.) I must have missed that announcement so congratulations!

I'm going to have to go find your post on poetry now because I was always somewhat concerned that my inner monologue is 50% British accent and 50% poetry quotations.

Oh, there's also a large percentage of Barney Stinsonisms going on in there too. HIMYM is still cool, don't worry (:

Lauren Donna said...

Yes. To everything. Especially HIMYM. And to a more open discourse in the church. Sans the great and abominable piercing debate of course (among others). I will say this: I have a bit of a soft spot when it comes to Pres. McConkie... Just based on my very limited repertoire of his talks and various quotes. But perhaps you know something I don't!

Thanks for writing!

Lauren Donna said...

Oh, and the anthro comment... Spot on. Yet I am still drawn to these blogs... Their pretty lives with their pretty things and their pretty snapshots... I love how much I hate to love them.

Sandy said...

i am totally with you on the rockingness of visiting teaching. for years and years i hated relief society and visiting teaching after unpleasant experiences in college (my visiting teachers when i was 18 were two best friends who were engaged at the same time and spent all visits talking about their future spousemans and relief society teachers were weirdly obsessed with hating on evolution/the big bang theory <--not the lame tv show). but now, oh, it is one of my favorite parts of church. i feel such solidarity with my sisters, even when they say crazy things, and i love visiting teaching because it gives us an opportunity to see past the mormon-crazy and learn how a person is human-crazy and realize that we're not alone. in other news, i am very interested in hearing about your modification of church ritual. in the past year, i've embraced that there are Other Ways to be mormon and am working on making the faith work for me, and i love speaking to people making similar faith journeys.

Aubrey said...

Yeah I jusmped on the HIMYM train this year too. Thank you syndication! This has led to many embarassing dreams where I find out that I am "the mother".

lifeofdi said...

I literally just laughed out loud at "all your church books that were homophobic, sexist, or racist (in that order,)" and had to read that aloud to my husband, who replied, "To be fair, McConkie was also sexist and homophobic."

Randi said...

HIMYM is still cool to me. I've been watching it on netflix all break.

Also, there is no false doctrine/threats of spirit prison in primary. At least not in my ward. I think it is the only place on Sunday we don't condemn everyone.

nikki said...

i just started watching HIMYM and am so close to being caught up too! i think it's still cool. mostly because barney will always be legen- wait for it...

Stephanie said...

@Lauren Donna: I'm still drawn to those blogs too, it is a curse!

@lifeofdi: I laughed out loud at your husband's "to be fair" comment. YES

Arual said...

I haven't attended church in years but I occasionally get a visit a longtime ward member and/or her daughter with whom I grew up. It really makes me wish I were friends with more of the women in the area, because I feel so isolated and absolutely crave the interaction.

A visiting teacher would be nice, but I guess I haven't earned one or anything.

Stephanie said...

@ Arual: Request one! I did, and I like my model....

MJ said...

I heart you. You crack me up, and I absolutely agree with you 1000%. I didn't think there was anyone out there who thought like me that was still considered "active" until I found your blog.

Thank you.

Jessica said...

Love No delete Thurday. This is how I remember boy vs girl chromosomes.

A boy (XY) has a penis like the tail of a Y. Girls don't. But yours works too!

Krystina said...

I love that you tossed the offensive literature. I suggest that you add anything by Kimball to it...specifically the "miracle" of forgiveness.

Also, I freaking love HIMYM. So much that I can't wait for it to come back.

One thing that I am NOT with you on is VTing. It might have something to do with a certain bishop in my single adult days that insisted that "visiting teaching in this life is preparing the sisters to live the law of polygamy in the next life". Sorry if that ruined it for you.

Melinda said...

I love that you do your visiting teaching, because for some reason about 30% of the women in my ward can't seem to make it out. I'm sure they're just to busy - you know being staying at home mommies with cleaning ladies. Because you know, staying at home is hard work. So hard that you can't apparently do your visiting teaching or clean your own house. So what happens if you don't have double piercings, but never did your visiting teaching in the Millineum? Judge that.

Stephanie said...

@Krystina

Seriously? Gross. Homeboy would have recieved a stern talking to from me, even if the talking only happened in my head.

Some dudes are always trying to make it about them. And about sex. You know he has weird fantasies about sister missionaries making out.

Lisa Louise said...

steph I love the no delete post, cracked me up. also that sweet sister saying that makes me want to go get another piercing and then go sit next to her in your ward.

Lisa Louise said...

oh and also, HIMYM is...LEGENDARY!!

Nik "the BoyWonder" said...

Great Post today!!

J. said...

favorite, very true, line:

"I think I would like church a lot more if there were more talk about how human we all are, and less talk about what will happen to people who have double-earrings in the Millennium."

tetisheri said...

I had to correct a missionary who was telling people that men can't go to the temple if they have their ears pierced. He said that his uncle was denied a recommend because of having pierced ears. I told him that he was so very wrong, and if his uncle was denied a recommend it was for some other reason. He might have told people it was for that, but it wasn't that. Frankly, I would rather tell people it was for that than for some of the reasons out there.

My bishop called me to be the Gospel Principle teacher partly because my ears are multiply pierced and I have a visible tattoo. I'm a life long member, minus 10 years of inactivity, and he wanted investigators to feel comfortable, and to show that all Mormons are tight laced repressed conservatives.

hiphipporay said...

Without emotionally vomiting all the crappy details and about the douche-y people I've encountered, trust me when i tell you that I've had a really wretched, faith-busting, life-altering year and a half. Most of the places and people I have looked for support have turned out to be colossal failures and in most cases added negatively to the situation. While I still maintain a testimony of God and Jesus Christ, I wonder why, when I make an attempt to show a little faith and trust a family member or attend church meetings, some blatant mistruths/judgments/hate have been proffered. It has become nearly comical as I think that God, much like myself, has a very warped sense of humor to consistently show me the judgment, arrogance even, of others.

Listening to speakers and teachers in my ward preach "we" think this, feel this, do this, I find myself wanting to stand up and scream "NO! You do not speak for me! I don't think that or feel that or do that!". I've joked that I am going to start my own democrat branch, where I can find like-minded people to discuss the more Christian principles of the gospel. I wonder every day if there is a place for someone like me in the LDS church.

That said, each time I have visited your blog to read (and re-read) a post or comments I have found comfort. I have felt like I am not alone in my "irrational" thoughts and beliefs. At the risk of sounding completely smarmy, I think God has given me the blessing of finding your blog. You, and others, have articulated perfectly many of the thoughts and feelings I have, often word for word. I am thankful for the hope I have felt here.

Stephanie said...

@hiphiphooray

I think you and I have probably gone through a very similar journey this past year and a half, especially the part about turning to people for support, and having them fail you.

I'm so glad you have found hope here. I've found hope here too, the comments and conversations I've had as a result of this blog have carried me through some very dark times. Thanks for being a part of that, and for your comment.

And hell yes, I'd be in your ward.

Katie said...

And here I thought HIMYM was just my guilty little secret (thank you Netflix). The feminist in me rebels against a lot of what they say/do, but then I just settle back in and watch an embarrassing number of episodes to quiet that inner feminist. (Who by the way takes the fun out of lots and oodles of things, but I love her anyway! Probably more than anyone could ever understand.)

Anyway, being only a sporadic blog reader I did not know you were pregnant with Future Child. And all I can say is hallelujah you will be raising one strong, independent, awesome baby. I am excited for the world.

Also, on a personal note, thank you thank you for writing about faith and your struggles and feelings about it. Thank you, thank you. Please keep writing.

Katie said...

Also @hiphipporay, I would completely join your democrat branch. I would join the damn out of that.

Mary said...

I have several things to say so get comfortable.

I have never been pregnant, but I once threw my scriptures across the room after reading section 132 of the D&C. I was on my mission. I don't read that section anymore.

I LOVE How I Met Your Mother. I laugh right out loud. I think it's the final season, so sad, but it is on Netflix.

I need some advice on how to love visiting teaching. I have loved it in the past, but I get really awkward now that I am in a family ward as a single person. I don't know what to say. So I avoid it. Awesome.

Please have more "no delete Thursday" posts. Hell, you can even have them on a Tuesday if you want.

Thanks for the laugh and thoughts.

Thursday said...

I loved this so much! I can't tell you how nice it is to hear what people really think about Venerated Church Literature.

bunkersdown.com said...

I totally and completely love How I Met Your Mother. I want nothing in the world so much as a poster with all of the 'Bro Code' written on it. But I might settle for a computer screen saver of Robin Sparkles. But only if it has the robot with her.

CaLLie.ANN said...

I LOVE reading your brain on paper. It's thrilling. And makes me chuckle all day long. No delete Thursdays are my favorite. McKonkie.

April said...

If a democrat ward exists, I think I live in it in Upstate NY. The stake president reserved a showing of Carol Lynn Pearson's play, Facing East, and then hosted a Q&A afterward. We rarely get wierdo comments, and if we do they usually lean left (like the lady who ranted in RS for 5 minutes about fracking). Come live here! You'd be right at home.

Mrs. Clark said...

You gotta get out of Utah. Really.

And I am not a fan of McConkie, either. My husband took a couple of religion classes from his unbelievably self-righteous son. And the son once told a story in stake conference (I heard this in person) about how he made his pregnant wife go to Dad's house for FHE. She was feeling lousy so she didn't want to go. Well, after he bullied her (my interpretation, from what he said) she went and Bruce R. gave her a wonderful blessing. Which made it okay that he bullied her. Yeah, right. Like he couldn't have given her a blessing himself? Or Dad couldn't have gone over to their house to do that? Sheesh.

And I have two tattooed daughters and two tattooed sons-in-law. One SIL has pierced ears. They hold, or have held, temple recommends despite all this. The only stuff that will keep you out of the temple is in the official questions. You can even drink diet Coke!

Sue said...

I found your blog very randomly and laughed out loud at this post. Thank you for making my day :)

JennyX said...

Please don't be disgusted at how often you post. That doesn't do you any good and there is no sense to that. Just go with it.

HeatherG said...

Looks like you should come to my classroom when I start Mendelian Genetics. As soon as I explain sex chromosomes the questions about hermaphrodites, homosexuals and XXX (which exists), start pouring in. Would love to hear your answers. Tee Hee!

egad333 said...

I've enjoyed your blog for quite awhile now and I thought it was high time I comment.
You restore my faith in the church! I'm glad there are others out there that feel things that I've felt.
Well done!

AzĂșcar said...

I would get so angry during my second pregnancy that it threatened my health: sky rocketing blood pressure. Not from preeclampsia, or any other underlying medical condition, but because I was literally SO ANGRY. I was fun to live with, for sure.

I might've put a fist through a wall with my last pregnancy. Just saying....

AzĂșcar said...

p.s. HIMYM is BRILLIANT.

Angela & Scott Olson said...

I kicked in a door a few weeks ago, and I'm not even pregnant. *doh!*

ChristyLove said...

To make you feel even better:

1.) I watch HIMYM. Over and over.
2.) I pregnant-cry over stupid things, sometimes while watching that show.
3.) I moften get angry about crying over such ridiculous things that I do a grunt-yell that sounds like some very angry animal dying.
4.)I remember XX/XY because the "y" looks like it has a penis, and the "xx" looks like boobs.
5.) I'm rarely careful about what I blog, or how I comment on yours.

;)

rossandconnierockon! said...

I love this post! I have not been in blog-land for awhile and I immediately checked your page! No delete is classic~I have no-seat- belt-day. It has been a very long time but, I created it during a difficult stretch . . . It went something along the lines of "FORGET IT! GO ON AND BRING IT!" Driving by myself, acting so liberated! Enjoy your writing :)