I carry them in my heart

I'm aware this is an unusual move for me, posting photos more than once a year, but please grant this new Mom a few weeks of mushiness in between more serious posts.

My friend Aubrey took this photo of Clara and Spouseman last week. Clara is about three and a half weeks old here, and no longer has an ear because her Dad has since gnawed it off. Kidding, of course, but watching him interact with our kid warms the big gaping hole where my cold cynical heart used to live.

Now everyone go procreate! I mean, if you want to. This isn't church and I'm not a Priesthood holder, so I guess I have no place telling you what to do with your body. Ohh, there's that cynicism again, even Clara can't cure it completely.

She comes awfully close though.


It feels right.

A short post while Clara (I feel like the internet should know I frequently referred to her as Tiny Terrorist while in the womb,) sleeps.

I really liked THIS post on whether women want the Priesthood, and the reaction from other women when said desire is expressed out loud. Like the author, I've had people (both in real life and online) react with abject horror to the idea of women wanting the Priesthood. Followed either by a swift command  to go to the temple so I understand my divine purpose, a slowly spoken (because I must be dumb to not understand,) explanation of how women don't get the Priesthood because we have The Babies, or a dismissive "Who wants more responsibility?" comment before scurrying away to make more righteous friends.

But I do. I do want the Priesthood. I also still want to have babies, (even terrorist ones,) and have no desire to be bishop. (But I would like the option of being called. It is an honor to be nominated, you know?) So for clarification, here are a few short reasons why I want the priesthood:

1. I want to be able to work with my spouse in giving blessings to my children. Yes, I know I can pray with them, and prayer is great, but I want The Power Of God On Earth if my kid is sick. Go big or go home, right? I also want to administer blessings if she is sad, or in need of comfort, or simply because it is the first day of school.

2. Similarly, I want to give my Spouse a blessing, instead of calling over a Home Teacher in the middle of the night.

3. When going through my c-section, my husband stood by my head and talked to me. I appreciated that, but I also appreciated my midwife, who advocated for me with the surgeons so that my baby could rest on my chest after she was born. Women can be wonderful allies to other women, and I would like to have the spiritual equivalent of a midwife in my religious life. I don't feel that can fully happen without priesthood power extended to all worthy members.

4.Because there is no good reason why women shouldn't have the priesthood. It will make men feel useless? Not my problem. Women will take over the church and the men won't have anything to do? Unlikely. (Or, as Amy Poehler says on SNL on the Weekend Update segment, "REALLY?" ) Because women have The Babies and men can't? Why am I being denied blessings because of my uterus? Also, not my problem.

5. I believe God is no respecter of persons, and wants me to have access to everything good and wonderful. (Despite that pesky uterus.)

6. I'm a Christian, not a Mason, and their views on gender roles (as interpreted in the LDS Temple Ceremonies) seem contrary to what I believe about Heavenly Parents, equal partnership, and my own divine nature.

7. Because I feel like I had it before, and will have it again.

And, just to clarify, I do not want the priesthood in order to:

1. Become a power-hungry matriarchal dictator bent on emasculating men. (I love when men respond to women wanting the priesthood by saying that matriarchy is just as bad as patriarchy. Not the point, bozo. I'm asking to be your equal, not your superior.) Also, if I just so happen to be superior by my own nature, please see above list, under reason No. 4, regarding what is "Not my problem."

2. Because I want to be a man, and have man parts, and be the exact same as a man. Because, you know, giving people equal access to authority makes everyone The Same.

3. So I can be Bishop.

I want the Priesthood. Do you?

Or, if you are a male, do you want women to have the Priesthood?



So I had a baby last week.

Her name is Clara Alice, and we love her. When the doctor held her up over the surgical sheet I saw her tiny face and I started crying "that's my baby" over and over. Later, when Dan left with the baby to see her measured and weighed, I listened to her cry in the next room and felt so happy that she was here. She was here: earlier than we originally thought, and not in the way we expected, but she was here, and safe, and perfect.

After what felt like hours of listening to the doctors talk about sports while putting me back together, Dan brought her back and put her next to my head. I couldn't hold her yet, so I kept turning my face so I could feel her skin next to mine. I couldn't touch her enough.

After four and a half days in the hospital, we brought her home. I wake up every morning to a face that seems to change every day, which thrills me and breaks my heart simultaneously. I think she's pretty damn wonderful.

Spouseman thinks so too. Despite a very grumpy face from Clara.

PS Clara is her real name. I'm far too lazy and forgetful to make up a blog name.