no delete effing thursday
This probably won't be super friendly, but maybe it will be. I'm kinda feeling the rage today.
However, I have a kid, so no one gets offended by me anymore. I can probably say whatever I want. PLUS, now that the kid is here I can comment on stuff, and no one can say "You will feel differently when you have kids." Also, not to be a total bitch, but a lot of the big stuff I believed before having kids, the stuff that was supposed to go away when a surgeon SLICED OPEN MY UTERUS, I just believe it even more now. Take that, mofos. Seriously, I think some people believed I would become a Republican Conservative Family Values Limbaugh once I had a baby.
I will still be your friend if you are a Republican Conservative Limbaugh. I will also cancel out your vote every year. Take that into consideration. Also, I probably won't be your friend because, get this for bitchy, I have an honest-to-goodness friend quota. I do. I have a set number of people I will be friends with at any given time, because otherwise I start to feel overwhelmed and depressed. Don't worry, the number is big, and I frequently grandfather people in, but if you are a Republican Conservative Values Limbaugh, you better also make damn good cake. *
Since I obviously have a lot of feelings about my C-section, let us talk about this for a moment. The next person who tells me they wish they could have a c-section because it would be so much easier, or the next person who gives me the judge face because I didn't get to have my hippie rainbow-filled-natural-birth-of-joy, will incur my wrath in a really mean way. Did you read the part about getting my uterus sliced open? And taken out of my body and then put back in and stapled shut? No. I did not push the kid out my vagina. But I didn't take the easy way out, and I would have punched a puppy if it meant having a different experience, so leave me alone. Especially, especially, ESPECIADAMNALLY, if you tell me that the reason I had to have a C-section is because my husband's Priesthood Blessing didn't work. Does the Priesthood expire or something? Like milk? Oh, I'm sorry, one day past the due date, no blessing for you. Please, people, there is only so much ish a lactating girl can take.
In other news, I officially do not understand Fashion Blogs. Fashion Blogs are weird. I'm not talking about people who write about their lives and occasionally post an outfit post. That is a little weird, but I'm a voyeur, and if people want to write/post about that, fine. But the blogs where it is just pictures of what they wore, and where they bought it? I don't get it. Why are you wearing those heels at the beach? What is the occasion? I NEED SOME NARRATIVE. I also do not get the comments that go on and on about how inspirational a fashion blog is. At best, a fashion blog is entertaining, but certainly not inspirational. Gandhi is inspirational, the ability to buy clothes at J.Crew is not.
I had to stop talking about Fashion Blogs because I think it would be weird to have stronger feelings about Fashion Blogs than my Birth Story.
Hmmm. What else, a post feels empty without any mention of my Mormon Issues, but I'm not feeling it. Dear Ensign, don't take the wings off angels in paintings and make them wear Caranessa Garment Tops. (See what I am talking about HERE.) It makes us look creepy and weird and desperate, and yes, Imma say it: cultish. That is basically all, though. My friend Sarah asked me to write a post about what I like about Mormonism. I think that is a great idea (Sarah is one of my friends who frequently tempers my madness,) but I don't want to do it in the same post where I hate on fashion blogs. Instead, I will do a one for one deal. One thing I don't like: the Church being weird about Modesty. One thing I do like: Primary Programs. The kids are always funny and enthusiastic (anyone who has ever heard "Jesus wants me for s sunBEAM" knows what I am talking about,) and it is as close to a gospel choir as Mormons get. So Primary Programs for the win!
Lastly, if you want to see a freakishly cute picture of my baby, her chin, and her friend Andrew, please go HERE.
I feel better now, thanks.
*Sigh. Now I have to backtrack so I don't sound like an awful human being. I want to be your friend if you are awesome, because you can never have enough awesome. Basically, I bring up the quota whenever someone tells me I need to be friends with someone for some socially appropriate reason I don't get, or I realize the other person isn't into it either. See? The Friend Quota is just a mercy killing thing. Not legal in Utah, but totally legal in friendships.