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6/23/14

Mean Girls


When all is lost, Mean Girls explains everything. (And distracts me from dealing with really complicated emotions.)

First:

personally victimized by - raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by the church pr department


Last year, President Uchtdorf was all, "Regardless of your circumstances, your personal history, or the strength of your testimony, there is room for you in this Church." So even the feminists, right? Even the ones who want ordination, right? Big Tent Mormonism:

Mean Girls


But Jessica Moody was all, "OW! Stop trying to make female ordination happen! There is no Big Tent!"




And Mormons who don't understand why people who support Ordain Women don't just leave are like:

original


And when Doug Fabrizio suggests that the guidelines on what constitutes apostasy seem a little blurry, Ally Isom is like:

Mean Girls

And then Doug's all "Where does it say in Mormon doctrine that women cannot have the priesthood?" and Ally Isom is all "It Doesn't." And then everyone up in the COB was all:

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So everyone (and by everyone, I mean some dudes,)got together, and decided how to define apostasy. Something about "some members in effect choose to take themselves out of the Church by actively teaching and publicly attempting to change doctrine to comply with their personal beliefs." Because everyone has agency and access to personal revelation, but if people start agreeing with you, and adding their voices, then the Church is all:

aahhh__meangirls

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So even though Kate Kelly/Ordain Women agreed with Elder Oaks when he said only God can change church doctrine, by stating, "I appreciate this acknowledgement that priesthood is God’s power and understand that only God can make changes to its administration. I believe this affirms the LDS belief in continually seeking further light and knowledge from God, and I trust our leaders do so daily," suggesting that God might someday agree with a message of egalitarianism over patriarchy is really why Kate Kelly doesn't get to be Mormon anymore. Apostasy according to Mormonism: Not agreeing in the right way. 

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As for women hoping for the Priesthood, Mormons are passing it out to preteen boys like 

mean girls animated GIF


And then walking by faithful women all...

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Meanwhile, Jesus/Tina Fey is like:




And by "sluts and whores," I mean "apostates and less-faithful." And by "guys," I mean "other Christians."

The first sign of being a Mean Girl? Not knowing your're a Mean Girl. Gretchen Weiners   Mormons are like, this is a Court of Love! Excommunication is a process of inclusion, not exclusion!

gretchen weiners lacey chabert gif

But really, they're all:



And by "stab Caesar," I mean "excommunicate Kate Kelly."

As for me, I'm all:

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But my church is like:

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So....

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32 comments:

Risa said...

I love you so hard right now. First time I laughed today.

Elpidio Rodriguez said...

Awesome!!!

Elpidio Rodriguez said...

Awesome!!!

Katrina said...

You rock.

Liffey Banks said...

This may have just saved me from drowning my sorrows with marshmallows for the rest of the evening. Thank you. Mean Girls gifs really do help in any situation.

Lyns said...

OH MY GOSH!! I just peed a little

Kayla FrecklesinApril said...

Sending you GIANT INTERNET HUGS right now.

Colt said...

You're the very best. Perfectly summed up my feelings.

Alysa Revell said...

TW: Eating one's feelings.
I just consumed my weight in shrimp. But after seeing this awesomeness, I believe I have practiced enough self-care that I may actually stop crying and fall asleep at some point tonight. Bless you!

Sherilynn said...

Thanks for coaxing the first read smile I've had all day!

MJ said...

LOVE YOU!

Teresa Peschke said...

Oh my heck. Thank you for thus. I really needed this tonight!

CarryOnSUD said...

Thank you on so many levels

Amanda said...

Can we be BFFs? Seriously, I'm going to PM you bc you are awesome!

Rick said...

This was awesome!

mormonheretic said...

This was awesome!

AnnaSchu said...

K this is so well put together I find it a little scary.

annegb said...

Neededed this

Yasmine Hafiz said...

Hi, I'm an editor at Huffington Post Religion, and I love this. Would you like to post it on HuffPost Religion as a blog? You'll get a blog account and be able to post other things too. Let me know! Contact me at yasmine.hafiz@huffingtonpost.com. Thanks!

Bryan and Sarah said...

Awesome!

Bryan and Sarah said...

Awesome!

Kikki Planet said...

Freaking fatabuloso. But I'm really wish I had gone pee BEFORE I read this.

Lara Haehle said...

The very best! For those of us who know... what those church leaders are afraid of is both not a danger, and has already happened.

Melanie said...

This brought a much needed smile to my face today. Thank you for that.

Clean Cut said...

I needed a little levity during such a sad and angry time.

Patty O. said...

This is the first time I have read your blog, but I am 100% in love with you and your blog. This is AMAZING!!!!!!!

Jennie said...

I love this so hard.

Taren said...

I just forgot any and all opinions I have on the matter, all I know is I love this so much.

Sophia said...

You're on to something here. Spot on.

Kersten said...

This is so amazing!! I love it more than chocolate cupcakes which is saying a lot and anyone who knows me would say "whoa, she really loves cupcakes".

Melissa said...

You are my favorite. I've been reading your blog for year. Seriously I just laughed SO hard!

Laurie Harrington said...

This blog is a lot more fun than Nie Nie.